Marks Daily Apple
Serving up health and fitness insights (daily, of course) with a side of irreverence.
18 Jan

Contest: You Might Be Primal If…

win7The Prize:

Bottle of Avocado Oil: More heat stable than olive oil and a wonderful alternative for those who don’t like the taste of coconut oil, PRIMAL KITCHEN™ Avocado Oil is perfect for searing, drizzling, sautéing, stir-frying and dressing. Use to make marinades, finish sauces, or even in lieu of butter for all your baking needs.

Jar of Avocado Oil Mayo: PRIMAL KITCHEN™ Mayo is the perfect companion for your deviled eggs, coleslaw and chicken salad needs. Every dollop is chock is full of good fats, phytonutrients, and other antioxidants, so you can use it lavishly—not sparingly—to upgrade the flavor and nutritional profile of your meal.

Bottle of Greek Vinaigrette: Using real, organic oil of oregano, organic apple cider vinegar and the freshest ingredients (avocado oil, organic red wine vinegar, black pepper and lemon) our perfectly balanced vinaigrette is a tantalizing and refreshing complement to any salad. Its lush herb flavor is balanced with a hint of sweetness, savory spices and the zest of fragrant lemon oil—the quintessential addition to roasted chicken…or drizzle some on top of your vegetable lasagna. It also pairs very well with heavier fish like mackerel or sablefish.

Bottle of Honey Mustard Vinaigrette: This succulent dressing packs in the pungency of stone ground mustard and the sweetness of organic honey, perfectly enhanced by a tangy bold touch of lemon. It pairs well with slightly bitter greens, like chicory, Belgian endive, escarole or radicchio, and is succulent enough to be used as a dipping sauce for veggies…or to flavor your favorite fish, chicken or beef dishes. Honey mustard-flavored braised short ribs, anyone?

12 PRIMAL KITCHEN™ Dark Chocolate Almond Bars: A healthy and tasty alternative to sugar-laden energy bars, Primal Kitchen’s Dark Chocolate Almond Bars boost energy with 15 grams of healthy protein (from grass-fed collagen), and just 3 grams of sugar. Indulge whenever you are on the go and your stomach is rumbling…or when your taste buds are jonesing for a treat.

The Contest:

If you were alive in the mid-1990’s, you may remember comedian Jeff Foxworthy’s empire of “You might be a redneck if…” humor. Today I’m looking for “You might be Primal if…” jokes. Think one up and leave it in the comment board.

Examples:

  • You might be Primal if you’ve been banned from your local grocery store for repeatedly violating the “No shirt, no shoes, no service” policy.
  • You might be Primal if you’ve never used an elevator. Ever.
  • You might be Primal if you prefer your apple with worms.
  • You might be Primal if you accidentally broke your neighbor’s second story window with a kettlebell.
  • You might be Primal if every butcher in America can recognize you on the spot.
  • You might be Primal if you measure friends, relatives, and children not by the mettle of their character, but by how far you could throw them.
  • You might be Primal if you’ve started to use Tabata intervals for dish washing, shopping, shaving, and dating.
  • You might be Primal if you make guests take off their shoes before leaving the house.
  • You might be Primal if you measure time by the number of cows you’ve consumed since an event occurred… “When did we take that trip to Portland?” “Oh, that was about 3 cows ago.”

Eligibility:

Anyone in the world can enter, though this prize may only be available to U.S. contestants. In the case of an international winner, substitute prizes of equal value will be shipped.

The Contest End Time:

Midnight PST, tonight!

How the Winner Will Be Determined:

I’ll pick a handful of my favorites and let all of you decide the winner through a reader poll.

To track all the contests, visit the 2016 Primal Blueprint 21-Day Challenge Contest Page for daily updates.

You want comments? We got comments:

Imagine you’re George Clooney. Take a moment to admire your grooming and wit. Okay, now imagine someone walks up to you and asks, “What’s your name?” You say, “I’m George Clooney.” Or maybe you say, “I’m the Clooninator!” You don’t say “I’m George of George Clooney Sells Movies Blog” and you certainly don’t say, “I’m Clooney Weight Loss Plan”. So while spam is technically meat, it ain’t anywhere near Primal. Please nickname yourself something your friends would call you.

  1. You might be Primal if you get run off of the kids playground for acting like a monkey and scaring the kids.

    Noconago wrote on January 18th, 2016
  2. You might be Primal if you you are at a meditation retreat and and never sit down.

    Noconago wrote on January 18th, 2016
  3. You might be Primal if you’ve ever single-handedly caused your local Trader Joe’s to have to ration out Coconut Oil.

    Chad Clark wrote on January 18th, 2016
  4. You might be Primal if you start getting hungry after running over a squirrel.

    Noconago wrote on January 18th, 2016
  5. If all the farm animals run away at the sight of your car, you might be Primal.

    Andrew wrote on January 18th, 2016
  6. You might be Primal if you can’t actually remember what feeling sick and tired of being sick and tired felt like.

    Chad Clark wrote on January 18th, 2016
  7. You might be primal if you start going to the zoo and thinking, “I wonder how that rare African plains bird would taste”…

    jett murdock wrote on January 18th, 2016
  8. You might be Primal if your recipe for roast venison begins with, string the bow.

    Jack Lea Mason wrote on January 18th, 2016
  9. You might be Primal if you are more likely to track muddy footprints in through your house than your pets or children are.

    Chad Clark wrote on January 18th, 2016
  10. …if you grow your own garden without using pesticides.

    …if you picket the local pasta and fast food joints.

    …if you regularly compost kitchen waste.

    …if you cultivate a healthy immune system instead of getting unnecessary vaccinations.

    …if you raise your own chickens.

    …if you usually walk to the local grocery store instead of driving.

    …if your kitchen cupboards contain more cobwebs than processed stuff in cans and jars.

    Shary wrote on January 18th, 2016
  11. You might be Primal if your pets spend more time lounging on your couch than you do.

    Chad Clark wrote on January 18th, 2016
    • +1. Our dog owns the place.

      Shary wrote on January 18th, 2016
  12. If your dogs are ready to go back inside from the walk before you are, you might be Primal.

    Chad Clark wrote on January 18th, 2016
  13. If you’ve ever had to remind yourself, “80/20,” while taking communion…you might be Primal!

    Primal Osprey wrote on January 18th, 2016
  14. If you have ever had to fight one of your cats over your favorite sunbathing spot, you might be Primal.

    Chad Clark wrote on January 18th, 2016
  15. If you have ever pondered the Omega-3 content of your pet gold fish, you might be Primal.

    Chad Clark wrote on January 18th, 2016
  16. You might be Primal if 99% of your friends and family think you’re off your rocker.

    MarkW wrote on January 18th, 2016
  17. If your pet parrot has ever said “Polly does NOT want a cracker, but let me get at that bacon”, you might be Primal.

    Chad Clark wrote on January 18th, 2016
  18. If you have worn-out more pairs of Vibrams than Nikes, you might be Primal.

    Chad Clark wrote on January 18th, 2016
  19. You might be Primal if you conserve all of your water to keep your organic veggies growing in the middle of the desert!

    Nancy Darrow wrote on January 18th, 2016
  20. You may be Primal if you haven’t eaten carbs since David Bowie had a No. 1 single

    Mary Moussa wrote on January 18th, 2016
  21. You might be Primal when watching your husband skin a deer makes your mouth water!

    Nancy Darrow wrote on January 18th, 2016
  22. If you spend as much time warming up for your “hard” workouts as the “hard” workouts themselves, you might be Primal.

    Chad Clark wrote on January 18th, 2016
  23. You might be Primal if your idea of a light snack is a 24-hour fast.

    Chad Clark wrote on January 18th, 2016
  24. You might be Primal if every 5 seconds while watching Abel James coach his contestant on “My Diet is Better Than Your Diet” your wife keeps shouting “THAT’S YOU!!”

    Mark Jones wrote on January 18th, 2016
    • Yes!!! Hahaha!

      Rachel wrote on January 18th, 2016
  25. If you’ve courted a partner by taking them for a hike and showing them how to forage a half dozen different foods, you might be Primal.

    Michael wrote on January 18th, 2016
  26. P.S. Yes, of course you were barefoot.

    Michael wrote on January 18th, 2016
  27. You leave on an S24O bikepacking trip without any food because “who needs food every 50 miles of mountain trails?”

    Deacon Patrick wrote on January 18th, 2016
  28. You might be Primal if you serve a jar of coconut butter for dessert at your kids birthday party.

    Noconago wrote on January 18th, 2016
  29. You may be Primal if you get ostracized for letting your child play outside without suntan lotion.

    Noconago wrote on January 18th, 2016
    • …Or been arrested more times than you can count for letting your kids be free-range…

      Wenchypoo wrote on January 18th, 2016
  30. You might be primal if, 60 hrs into your unmedicated labor, you have to interrupt ANOTHER conversation between the labor nurse and your husband about the benefits of Vibram Five Fingers to ask if it’s ok to snack on some almonds and grass-fed beef jerky.

    Rachel wrote on January 18th, 2016
    • My god… 60 hours?! And I thought my 23 hours unmedicated labor was long… You poor thing.

      TF wrote on January 18th, 2016
      • And he was 13 days late. (Five WEEKS late compared to his original due date–thank goodness they adjusted it or the doc would have insisted he get out much sooner!) He has a very long birth story; it didn’t end the way I expected (emergency c-section) but we’re all healthy and happy. I credit primal living with a (relatively) easy recovery. I can probably also thank primal living for my great fertility and easy time nursing–even tandem nursing both kids once our second baby came along! ^_^

        Rachel wrote on January 18th, 2016
        • That’s awesome! I’m sorry yours didn’t go as expected, but I’m glad everything turned out okay! I wasn’t primal for my recovery (probably would have helped, I felt so weak for like 2 weeks following, could barely hold my own baby), I just started about 5 days ago. Do you have steady energy being primal while nursing? I’m sure I’ll get there, but man it’s been a tired 11 months.

          TF wrote on January 18th, 2016
      • Both of my kids had really rough times sleeping (my second was better than the first, but for the first three months of her life I was still getting up in the middle of the night to nurse her big bro), so I think I would have been exhausted even if my food and exercise were 100% all the time every day (in my 20% I’d include things like “eating my way through half a giant tub of cashews roasted in questionable oil”, lol. Stomachache!!!). I just couldn’t get enough sleep to recover. I WAS able to avoid getting hangry, which is a total plus. I had a really great milk supply and an incredible husband who encouraged me to prioritize rest/bonding time/food over everything else. Mine are now 3 (almost 4!) and 2 and they consistently sleep through the night–which means I do, too! Good luck, mama!

        Rachel wrote on January 19th, 2016
        • I guess I’ll just have to stick it out. :p I’ve been noticeably less hungry as well since starting primal last week, it’s awesome, very liberating to eat and not feel controlled by food! Thanks for sharing your experiences with me, I appreciate it. Best wishes to you too. :)

          TF wrote on January 19th, 2016
  31. You might be primal if your 3 year old son can’t help but yell, “WHY IS THERE BREAD HERE?! WHO EATS BREAD?! THIS FOOD WILL NOT MAKE ME BIG AND STRONG!” at every. single. family. party. ever.

    Rachel wrote on January 18th, 2016
    • That’s awesome.

      Rambler wrote on January 18th, 2016
    • AHAHAHAHAHA! I like your kid. Better him saying it than you.

      His Dudeness wrote on January 18th, 2016
  32. You might be Primal if your guests complain that 62 degrees is too cold for them as they wear mittens and hats in your house this winter while you prance around in a t-shirt..

    Noconago wrote on January 18th, 2016
  33. You might be primal if your daily fat intake gives your cardiologist a heart attack!

    Lynn wrote on January 18th, 2016
    • love this one!!!

      Angela wrote on January 19th, 2016
  34. You might be primal if you hope for the collapse of civilization, so you can sit in the dark, shower in the cold, crap on the ground, rip your feet on stones, eat dirt in your food, but get to play play play!

    Rick wrote on January 18th, 2016
  35. You might be primal if you get turned on by the sight of your wife’s fingerprints through the bacon fat in your cast iron skillet.

    Sam wrote on January 18th, 2016
    • best one so far.

      tgw wrote on January 19th, 2016
  36. You might be Primal if you play harder than you work.

    chad clark wrote on January 18th, 2016
  37. You might be primal if you get asked how you lost so much weight right before you get asked why you don’t eat healthy food.

    Sam wrote on January 18th, 2016
  38. You might be primal if you know what a Scotch egg is and enjoy them with bone broth.

    Jodi wrote on January 18th, 2016
  39. You might be Primal if your kids have to drag you inside from playing outside all day.

    chad clark wrote on January 18th, 2016
  40. You might be primal if you saw the powerball winnings in pounds of livestock.

    Sam wrote on January 18th, 2016

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