Meet Mark

Let me introduce myself. My name is Mark Sisson. I’m 63 years young. I live and work in Malibu, California. In a past life I was a professional marathoner and triathlete. Now my life goal is to help 100 million people get healthy. I started this blog in 2006 to empower people to take full responsibility for their own health and enjoyment of life by investigating, discussing, and critically rethinking everything we’ve assumed to be true about health and wellness...

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January 18, 2016

Contest: You Might Be Primal If…

By Mark Sisson
188 Comments

win7The Prize:

Bottle of Avocado Oil: More heat stable than olive oil and a wonderful alternative for those who don’t like the taste of coconut oil, PRIMAL KITCHEN™ Avocado Oil is perfect for searing, drizzling, sautéing, stir-frying and dressing. Use to make marinades, finish sauces, or even in lieu of butter for all your baking needs.

Jar of Avocado Oil Mayo: PRIMAL KITCHEN™ Mayo is the perfect companion for your deviled eggs, coleslaw and chicken salad needs. Every dollop is chock is full of good fats, phytonutrients, and other antioxidants, so you can use it lavishly—not sparingly—to upgrade the flavor and nutritional profile of your meal.

Bottle of Greek Vinaigrette: Using real, organic oil of oregano, organic apple cider vinegar and the freshest ingredients (avocado oil, organic red wine vinegar, black pepper and lemon) our perfectly balanced vinaigrette is a tantalizing and refreshing complement to any salad. Its lush herb flavor is balanced with a hint of sweetness, savory spices and the zest of fragrant lemon oil—the quintessential addition to roasted chicken…or drizzle some on top of your vegetable lasagna. It also pairs very well with heavier fish like mackerel or sablefish.

Bottle of Honey Mustard Vinaigrette: This succulent dressing packs in the pungency of stone ground mustard and the sweetness of organic honey, perfectly enhanced by a tangy bold touch of lemon. It pairs well with slightly bitter greens, like chicory, Belgian endive, escarole or radicchio, and is succulent enough to be used as a dipping sauce for veggies…or to flavor your favorite fish, chicken or beef dishes. Honey mustard-flavored braised short ribs, anyone?

12 PRIMAL KITCHEN™ Dark Chocolate Almond Bars: A healthy and tasty alternative to sugar-laden energy bars, Primal Kitchen’s Dark Chocolate Almond Bars boost energy with 15 grams of healthy protein (from grass-fed collagen), and just 3 grams of sugar. Indulge whenever you are on the go and your stomach is rumbling…or when your taste buds are jonesing for a treat.

The Contest:

If you were alive in the mid-1990’s, you may remember comedian Jeff Foxworthy’s empire of “You might be a redneck if…” humor. Today I’m looking for “You might be Primal if…” jokes. Think one up and leave it in the comment board.

Examples:

  • You might be Primal if you’ve been banned from your local grocery store for repeatedly violating the “No shirt, no shoes, no service” policy.
  • You might be Primal if you’ve never used an elevator. Ever.
  • You might be Primal if you prefer your apple with worms.
  • You might be Primal if you accidentally broke your neighbor’s second story window with a kettlebell.
  • You might be Primal if every butcher in America can recognize you on the spot.
  • You might be Primal if you measure friends, relatives, and children not by the mettle of their character, but by how far you could throw them.
  • You might be Primal if you’ve started to use Tabata intervals for dish washing, shopping, shaving, and dating.
  • You might be Primal if you make guests take off their shoes before leaving the house.
  • You might be Primal if you measure time by the number of cows you’ve consumed since an event occurred… “When did we take that trip to Portland?” “Oh, that was about 3 cows ago.”

Eligibility:

Anyone in the world can enter, though this prize may only be available to U.S. contestants. In the case of an international winner, substitute prizes of equal value will be shipped.

The Contest End Time:

Midnight PST, tonight!

How the Winner Will Be Determined:

I’ll pick a handful of my favorites and let all of you decide the winner through a reader poll.

To track all the contests, visit the 2016 Primal Blueprint 21-Day Challenge Contest Page for daily updates.

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188 Comments on "Contest: You Might Be Primal If…"

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Noconago
Noconago
8 months 9 days ago

You might be Primal if you get run off of the kids playground for acting like a monkey and scaring the kids.

Noconago
Noconago
8 months 9 days ago

You might be Primal if you you are at a meditation retreat and and never sit down.

Chad Clark
Chad Clark
8 months 9 days ago

You might be Primal if you’ve ever single-handedly caused your local Trader Joe’s to have to ration out Coconut Oil.

Noconago
Noconago
8 months 9 days ago

You might be Primal if you start getting hungry after running over a squirrel.

Andrew
Andrew
8 months 9 days ago

If all the farm animals run away at the sight of your car, you might be Primal.

Chad Clark
Chad Clark
8 months 9 days ago

You might be Primal if you can’t actually remember what feeling sick and tired of being sick and tired felt like.

jett murdock
8 months 9 days ago

You might be primal if you start going to the zoo and thinking, “I wonder how that rare African plains bird would taste”…

Jack Lea Mason
Jack Lea Mason
8 months 9 days ago

You might be Primal if your recipe for roast venison begins with, string the bow.

Chad Clark
Chad Clark
8 months 9 days ago

You might be Primal if you are more likely to track muddy footprints in through your house than your pets or children are.

Shary
Shary
8 months 9 days ago

…if you grow your own garden without using pesticides.

…if you picket the local pasta and fast food joints.

…if you regularly compost kitchen waste.

…if you cultivate a healthy immune system instead of getting unnecessary vaccinations.

…if you raise your own chickens.

…if you usually walk to the local grocery store instead of driving.

…if your kitchen cupboards contain more cobwebs than processed stuff in cans and jars.

Chad Clark
Chad Clark
8 months 9 days ago

You might be Primal if your pets spend more time lounging on your couch than you do.

Shary
Shary
8 months 9 days ago

+1. Our dog owns the place.

Chad Clark
Chad Clark
8 months 9 days ago

If your dogs are ready to go back inside from the walk before you are, you might be Primal.

Primal Osprey
Primal Osprey
8 months 9 days ago

If you’ve ever had to remind yourself, “80/20,” while taking communion…you might be Primal!

Chad Clark
Chad Clark
8 months 9 days ago

If you have ever had to fight one of your cats over your favorite sunbathing spot, you might be Primal.

Chad Clark
Chad Clark
8 months 9 days ago

If you have ever pondered the Omega-3 content of your pet gold fish, you might be Primal.

MarkW
MarkW
8 months 9 days ago

You might be Primal if 99% of your friends and family think you’re off your rocker.

Chad Clark
Chad Clark
8 months 9 days ago

If your pet parrot has ever said “Polly does NOT want a cracker, but let me get at that bacon”, you might be Primal.

Chad Clark
Chad Clark
8 months 9 days ago

If you have worn-out more pairs of Vibrams than Nikes, you might be Primal.

Nancy Darrow
Nancy Darrow
8 months 9 days ago

You might be Primal if you conserve all of your water to keep your organic veggies growing in the middle of the desert!

Mary Moussa
Mary Moussa
8 months 9 days ago

You may be Primal if you haven’t eaten carbs since David Bowie had a No. 1 single

Nancy Darrow
Nancy Darrow
8 months 9 days ago

You might be Primal when watching your husband skin a deer makes your mouth water!

Chad Clark
Chad Clark
8 months 9 days ago

If you spend as much time warming up for your “hard” workouts as the “hard” workouts themselves, you might be Primal.

Chad Clark
Chad Clark
8 months 9 days ago

You might be Primal if your idea of a light snack is a 24-hour fast.

Mark Jones
Mark Jones
8 months 9 days ago

You might be Primal if every 5 seconds while watching Abel James coach his contestant on “My Diet is Better Than Your Diet” your wife keeps shouting “THAT’S YOU!!”

Rachel
Rachel
8 months 9 days ago

Yes!!! Hahaha!

Michael
Michael
8 months 9 days ago

If you’ve courted a partner by taking them for a hike and showing them how to forage a half dozen different foods, you might be Primal.

Michael
Michael
8 months 9 days ago

P.S. Yes, of course you were barefoot.

Deacon Patrick
8 months 9 days ago

You leave on an S24O bikepacking trip without any food because “who needs food every 50 miles of mountain trails?”

Noconago
Noconago
8 months 9 days ago

You might be Primal if you serve a jar of coconut butter for dessert at your kids birthday party.

Noconago
Noconago
8 months 9 days ago

You may be Primal if you get ostracized for letting your child play outside without suntan lotion.

Wenchypoo
Wenchypoo
8 months 9 days ago

…Or been arrested more times than you can count for letting your kids be free-range…

Rachel
Rachel
8 months 9 days ago

You might be primal if, 60 hrs into your unmedicated labor, you have to interrupt ANOTHER conversation between the labor nurse and your husband about the benefits of Vibram Five Fingers to ask if it’s ok to snack on some almonds and grass-fed beef jerky.

TF
TF
8 months 9 days ago

My god… 60 hours?! And I thought my 23 hours unmedicated labor was long… You poor thing.

Rachel
Rachel
8 months 8 days ago

And he was 13 days late. (Five WEEKS late compared to his original due date–thank goodness they adjusted it or the doc would have insisted he get out much sooner!) He has a very long birth story; it didn’t end the way I expected (emergency c-section) but we’re all healthy and happy. I credit primal living with a (relatively) easy recovery. I can probably also thank primal living for my great fertility and easy time nursing–even tandem nursing both kids once our second baby came along! ^_^

TF
TF
8 months 8 days ago

That’s awesome! I’m sorry yours didn’t go as expected, but I’m glad everything turned out okay! I wasn’t primal for my recovery (probably would have helped, I felt so weak for like 2 weeks following, could barely hold my own baby), I just started about 5 days ago. Do you have steady energy being primal while nursing? I’m sure I’ll get there, but man it’s been a tired 11 months.

Rachel
Rachel
8 months 8 days ago
Both of my kids had really rough times sleeping (my second was better than the first, but for the first three months of her life I was still getting up in the middle of the night to nurse her big bro), so I think I would have been exhausted even if my food and exercise were 100% all the time every day (in my 20% I’d include things like “eating my way through half a giant tub of cashews roasted in questionable oil”, lol. Stomachache!!!). I just couldn’t get enough sleep to recover. I WAS able to avoid getting hangry,… Read more »
TF
TF
8 months 7 days ago

I guess I’ll just have to stick it out. :p I’ve been noticeably less hungry as well since starting primal last week, it’s awesome, very liberating to eat and not feel controlled by food! Thanks for sharing your experiences with me, I appreciate it. Best wishes to you too. 🙂

Rachel
Rachel
8 months 9 days ago

You might be primal if your 3 year old son can’t help but yell, “WHY IS THERE BREAD HERE?! WHO EATS BREAD?! THIS FOOD WILL NOT MAKE ME BIG AND STRONG!” at every. single. family. party. ever.

Rambler
Rambler
8 months 9 days ago

That’s awesome.

His Dudeness
His Dudeness
8 months 9 days ago

AHAHAHAHAHA! I like your kid. Better him saying it than you.

Noconago
Noconago
8 months 9 days ago

You might be Primal if your guests complain that 62 degrees is too cold for them as they wear mittens and hats in your house this winter while you prance around in a t-shirt..

Lynn
Lynn
8 months 9 days ago

You might be primal if your daily fat intake gives your cardiologist a heart attack!

Angela
Angela
8 months 8 days ago

love this one!!!

Rick
Rick
8 months 9 days ago

You might be primal if you hope for the collapse of civilization, so you can sit in the dark, shower in the cold, crap on the ground, rip your feet on stones, eat dirt in your food, but get to play play play!

Sam
Sam
8 months 9 days ago

You might be primal if you get turned on by the sight of your wife’s fingerprints through the bacon fat in your cast iron skillet.

tgw
tgw
8 months 8 days ago

best one so far.

chad clark
chad clark
8 months 9 days ago

You might be Primal if you play harder than you work.

Sam
Sam
8 months 9 days ago

You might be primal if you get asked how you lost so much weight right before you get asked why you don’t eat healthy food.

Jodi
Jodi
8 months 9 days ago

You might be primal if you know what a Scotch egg is and enjoy them with bone broth.

chad clark
chad clark
8 months 9 days ago

You might be Primal if your kids have to drag you inside from playing outside all day.

Sam
Sam
8 months 9 days ago

You might be primal if you saw the powerball winnings in pounds of livestock.

Sam
Sam
8 months 9 days ago

You might be primal if your diet is just a little more healthy than Tom Brady’s.

Paleo4life
Paleo4life
8 months 9 days ago

You might be primal if as the smallest female in a co-ed group at work are the least likely to get hurt lifting something heavy.

chad clark
chad clark
8 months 9 days ago

If you have ever seen a meat lovers. And shed a single tear as you thought “why would you waste that perfectly good bacon with all those grains?”, you might be Primal.

chad clark
chad clark
8 months 9 days ago

Meat lovers pizza *

chad clark
chad clark
8 months 9 days ago

You might be Primal if the most stressful part of your day is figuring out how much bacon to cook to go with dinner.

Lynn
Lynn
8 months 9 days ago

You might be primal if the servers in your college cafeteria know you as “the one who always orders a double hamburger, no bun and no cheese” (and no gluten free bun either)!
Seriously though, that is my go to meal and one of the only primal-ish options..

James
James
8 months 7 days ago

I’ve gotten a bunless burger from Nisker’s (can get delivery) with two half-pound patties, paid add-ons like a fried egg, avocado, and extra cheeses, plus nearly all of the (free) veggies. They have sweet potato fries too, but just the burger was $19 and took me 5 days to eat. Makes a great pre-prepared dinner for the evenings after going out for various doctor’s appointments and medical tests. And bacon, must get bacon on the burger.

Shawn
Shawn
8 months 9 days ago

You might be Primal if your family suggests ordering Chinese Food just to spite you.

Rambler
Rambler
8 months 9 days ago

You might be Primal if the well-wishes at your retirement party include “thanks for the squirrel,” “be nice to the squirrels,” and “we’ll miss you at potluck.”

You might be Primal if the farmer you’re buying a cow from says “wow, nobody ever asks for the guts.”

Eddie
Eddie
8 months 9 days ago

You might be Primal if the host at a dinner party assures you there will be vegetables to eat, but you’re disappointed when the veggies are canned corn, canned green beans, and instant mash potatoes. W00t.

Bhavleen Smoot
Bhavleen Smoot
8 months 9 days ago

You might be Primal if you get mistaken as a monkey by a passerby– hanging upside down on the monkey bars doing some upside down crunches and some crazy tabata exercises at the kid’s playground!

Beth
Beth
8 months 9 days ago

You might be primal if… your kids flip over containers in the grocery store & don’t even bother to ask you about them before putting them back!

Beth
Beth
8 months 9 days ago

You might be primal if… your cooking improved exponentially once you started using real food in place of food-like substances!

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