Marks Daily Apple
Serving up health and fitness insights (daily, of course) with a side of irreverence.
18 Sep

Contest: Primal is…

The Prize:

Unwieldy weight comes in all unwieldy shapes and all unwieldy sizes. Today’s heavy chunk of unwieldiness is call a Sandball. Part sandbag, part medicine ball, part kettlebell, good for heaving, swinging, and lugging around. It doesn’t have the wonderful scratch-your-hands-up quality of an actual rock, but you can always scrape your hands over concrete for a few minutes after using this sandball if you really need that “just got home from a long day of bashing my food’s skull in with a rough stone” feel. The winner of today’s contest will receive a blue logo BallBell sandball, courtesy of Alpha Strong.

The Contest:

What is Primal?

Primal is…

  • naming your cat “Sparemeal.”
  • never having to say you’re sorry. To a vegan.
  • making a bacon sandwich using only one ingredient.
  • referring to your toddler as “My little kettlebell.”
  • when your eating habits cause a national egg shortage (yes, I’m looking at you, Australians).
  • refusing to believe a steak smoothie is a bad idea.
  • living in Denver and walking to work, in Seattle.
  • watching breaking news about a “forest fire” and misunderstanding it to be breaking news about a “large barbecue.”

Get the idea? Write your own in the comments section. I’ll pick a winner.

The Deadline:

Midnight, tonight!

Who is Eligible:

You. You are eligible.

You want comments? We got comments:

Imagine you’re George Clooney. Take a moment to admire your grooming and wit. Okay, now imagine someone walks up to you and asks, “What’s your name?” You say, “I’m George Clooney.” Or maybe you say, “I’m the Clooninator!” You don’t say “I’m George of George Clooney Sells Movies Blog” and you certainly don’t say, “I’m Clooney Weight Loss Plan”. So while spam is technically meat, it ain’t anywhere near Primal. Please nickname yourself something your friends would call you.

  1. …naming your spare freezer “The Cowpool Lane.”

    ASmitty wrote on September 18th, 2010
    • Primal is…
      spending halftime walking to the park barefoot to climb an apple tree for late lunch, and making it back in time to catch the kickoff.

      Luke wrote on September 18th, 2010
  2. …stalking zombie runners for a workout.

    Nick wrote on September 18th, 2010
  3. Primal is the sound of one hand clapping… pushups.

    Michael wrote on September 18th, 2010
  4. Having your 3 y.o. Come home from preschool surprised that no one else in his class including his teachers likes Greek olives, after chowing on 10 for lunch and spitting out the pits…

    Having your friend tell you that you were the one who turned her kids onto loving sliced raw pepper slices (or any other healthy food).

    Seeing the looks of disbelief on peoples faces when you tell them your diet is pretty much always greater than 50% fat and you are easily able to maintain a healthy weight…

    Explaining a healthy diet to your kids who are learning otherwise in their health classes… My kids will all tell you that grains should not be on the bottom of that food pyramid…

    Kim wrote on September 18th, 2010
  5. …wearing a loin cloth on your next deployment because it blends in better than the latest Air Force uniform.

    Steve Fruendt wrote on September 18th, 2010
    • can I vote for a winner? I love this one!!!

      Annie wrote on September 18th, 2010
      • Ditto am married to a RAF nav!

        Kelda wrote on September 18th, 2010
    • love it!

      hiker wrote on September 18th, 2010
  6. … using coconut oil instead of Neosporin

    Jonathan wrote on September 18th, 2010
  7. A logistical nightmare when eating with other people…who then don’t understand why you’re in such good shape.

    Andrew Hunter wrote on September 18th, 2010
    • So true. So true.

      Grant wrote on September 18th, 2010
  8. Primal is:
    … having your feet enameled so you never have to wear shoes again.

    … bangin’ out a set of burpee pull-ups on the goal post during halftime at your child’s soccer game.

    and perhaps… getting sued by the County for growing too many vegetables [].

    Daniel wrote on September 18th, 2010
    • Re: veggies… Here’s a version of the article with more info:…nt?oid=1275993

      Sounds like the issue is not the actual growing or even how many he’s growing — it’s that he’s selling them and running afoul of a law meant to stop big commercial agriculture in residential-zoned areas.

      The county helped him rezone his land, but he still isn’t happy about the fine for the earlier off-zoning activities:…-saga/19633544

      So basically this is resolved. It was a business/residential zoning issue, not a “ZOMG VEGGIES BAD” issue.

      Jenny wrote on September 18th, 2010
  9. doing pullups on the bar in my kitchen doorway while cooking up something delicious for dinner.

    also, holding conversations w/ almost every person i pass on hiking trails because they want comment on or ask about my VFFs.

    sarah wrote on September 18th, 2010
  10. primal is… freedom from conventional wisdom.

    cesar wrote on September 18th, 2010
  11. …looking at world as your gym.

    George Mounce wrote on September 18th, 2010
  12. Actually considering eating dirt because it is WAY cheaper than buying a probiotic.

    Kristen wrote on September 18th, 2010
  13. …devouring the endless shrimp at Red Lobster grilled in butter with ZERO guilt while the waiter looks at you like you are crazy.

    Chelsea wrote on September 18th, 2010
  14. … starting your workout at halftime of the football game you’re watching, and not missing a minute of the second half.

    John wrote on September 18th, 2010
  15. …People thinking you are weird. Means you are doing something right especially when the people that are telling you this are on a ton of meds for cholesterol, diabetes, high blood pressure…somehow they think their way is right and you are weird. Yup, keep thinking that buddy!

    Jackie wrote on September 18th, 2010
  16. … taking pleasure in your colleagues’ bewildered faces while they watch you (in your VFF’s) tear into a roasted lamb leg in the break room!

    PrimALex wrote on September 18th, 2010
  17. … being more annoyed by the fact a broken bone means you can’t work out as much than by how difficult it makes your day job.

    … denuding two bargain stores’ beef jerky supplies to fuel a road trip.

    … dressing up as Grok for Halloween (a loincloth and a stick *definitely* fit my costume budget).

    Rafe Brox wrote on September 18th, 2010
    • aCK! I have a broken toe and it has really bummed me out that I’m stuck to typical bench and single muscle crap!

      Mike wrote on September 18th, 2010
  18. … Asking the Department of Fish and Game if hunting a moose with an atlatl is allowed during bow season.

    BrianAK wrote on September 18th, 2010
  19. …relishing that pool of red liquid that settles under your steak and forgoing the white bread to mop it up. Better put your veggies (or tongue) to good use.

    Marisa wrote on September 18th, 2010
  20. … Giving praise to the wisdom of my ancestors.

    Maya wrote on September 18th, 2010
    • amen

      Bryan Barksdale wrote on September 18th, 2010
  21. Having words like pemmican in your vocabulary.

    Wearing vibrams, but only because there aren’t any public places that would allow me to just go barefoot.

    Carrying a spear, because hey, spears are cool.

    Jenny wrote on September 18th, 2010
  22. Primal is taking a bag of cooked bacon to the movies.

    Christa wrote on September 18th, 2010
    • I like this one too!! :)

      gilliebean wrote on September 18th, 2010
      • Me too, I LOVE bacon!

        Kelda wrote on September 18th, 2010
  23. … being unconventional.

    Mark wrote on September 18th, 2010
  24. …birthing a child in the wilderness and politely asking a wolf to gnaw through the umbilical chord!!!

    Rich wrote on September 18th, 2010
    • LOL! “…politely asking…” See? Grok (through the magic of etiquette) was definately in tune with his environment!

      Larry wrote on September 20th, 2010
  25. …raising kids who know about all the ways CW sneaks sugar into all the foods in the grocery store

    …getting weird looks when your 5 year old yells down the aisle “Mama, did you say 4 packages of nitrate free bacon?”

    …playing with my kids…or playing like I’m with my kids even when I’m not!

    …having kids who volunteer to go to bed early because they want to get adequate sleep!

    On a serious note…this was a great little exercise. I’ve been feeling a bit defeated at home. It was nice to think about all the ways I am succeeding. I am making changes for our family. We are becoming more primal and healthier for it. Thanks for the reminder.

    Annie wrote on September 18th, 2010
    • Those are wonderful testimonials!

      gilliebean wrote on September 18th, 2010
    • Indeed, this is a good testimonial, but I feel obligated to provide you with some information about nitrate free bacon.

      “Nitrate free” bacon is loaded with celery salt – which becomes nitrates/nitrites when cooked. In fact, “nitrate free” meats often have more nitrates than those that are treated with actual Nitrate.

      This has been verified by multiple laboratories/sources. For example, Cook’s Illustrated completed a third-party test:

      Nitrite has long been a controversial food additive, with studies showing it forms carcinogenic compounds called nitrosamines when heated in the presence of proteins, like those in bacon. Regular bacon is cured with nitrite (NO₂) or a virtually identical chemical, nitrate (NO₃), both of which act as preservatives, though only nitrite has the potential to form potentially harmful nitrosamines. Bacon labeled “nitrate- or nitrite-free,” on the other hand, is brined with salt, a bacterial lactic acid starter culture, and celery juice (sometimes listed as “natural flavor”).

      But here’s the catch: Celery juice naturally contains a high level of organic nitrate, which is converted to the problematic nitrite by the bacteria in the starter culture and also by saliva during chewing. Despite this fact, it’s technically correct to label the bacon “no nitrates or nitrites added,” since the compounds are formed during production, not added as ingredients. The question is: How do the levels of nitrite and nitrate in uncured bacon compare with those in its cured counterpart?

      When we fried up strips of our favorite supermarket bacon, Farmland Hickory Smoked, along with Farmland All-Natural Uncured Bacon (“no nitrate or nitrite added”), tasters found the samples virtually identical in taste and texture. To quantify the nitrite and nitrate levels in these bacons, we sent three packages of each type to a lab for testing. For comparison, we also sent three packages of the Best Buy from our tasting of artisanal bacon, Applegate Farms Uncured Sunday Bacon (labeled “no nitrites added”). As we expected, all of the bacons contained nitrite and nitrate, and the nitrite levels were well within U.S. Department of Agriculture guidelines of no more than 120 parts per million (ppm). But to our surprise, the uncured bacons actually had higher levels of nitrite than the cured meat: Farmland Hickory Smoked Bacon registered an average of 9.7 ppm nitrite (and 48 ppm nitrate), while its All-Natural counterpart showed an average of 16.3 ppm nitrite (and 10.3 ppm nitrate). And the Applegate Farms Uncured Sunday Bacon averaged more than three times the level of the regular bacon: 35 ppm nitrite (and nearly as much nitrate, at 44.3 ppm).

      Ashley wrote on September 18th, 2010
  26. Primal is when your grocery bag is made from the carcus of last nights dinner

    Taylor Bentley wrote on September 18th, 2010
  27. …letting your genes do all the work, while you have all the fun!

    Dan wrote on September 18th, 2010
  28. No offense Forrest, but…..primal is as primal does.

    BAC'man wrote on September 18th, 2010
  29. …if it’s dead, I’ll eat it.

    Ben wrote on September 18th, 2010
  30. …having all your friends over for dinner and them telling me that I better then I have looked in years. Then they ask what my secert is and I point to the dinner I preapred for them that was all primal and that they enjoyed without knowning it.

    Santino wrote on September 18th, 2010
  31. Primal is when you find yourself getting hungry wandering through the ice age section of your local natural history museum and wonder if those mammoth fossils will still have good marrow in ’em……

    tai haku wrote on September 18th, 2010
  32. … guilt-free!

    Kelda wrote on September 18th, 2010
  33. Primal is lamirp backwards

    Stan wrote on September 18th, 2010
  34. … eating foods with no nutritional labels (instead of trying to read them!).

    September wrote on September 18th, 2010
  35. Primal is
    eating grasshoppers with your 5 year old son because that’s what cavemen did.

    when your daughter drops food on the ground picks it up and eats it while saying “probiotics”.

    Terry Gilmore II wrote on September 18th, 2010
  36. …hunting CW, kicking its tail, and putting it to final rest, all while eating bacon.

    Russ wrote on September 18th, 2010
  37. …wondering why everyone around you is so civilized when its so boring.

    Randy wrote on September 18th, 2010
  38. …the solution to the obesity epidemic.

    Nellie wrote on September 18th, 2010
  39. Primal is…

    …believing that bare feet are standard attire, and Vibram Five Fingers are de rigueur for formal occasions.

    …eating not only the produce, but also the grasshoppers, from your garden.

    …shunning Conventional Wisdom for the pursuit of life-long health and happiness.

    A. B. wrote on September 18th, 2010
  40. …not like a box of chocolates. You always know what’s in your pickings.

    Matt Joseph wrote on September 18th, 2010

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