Marks Daily Apple
Serving up health and fitness insights (daily, of course) with a side of irreverence.
31 Aug

Contest: You Might Be Primal If…

The Prize:

Brainy and brawny go well together. That’s why today’s sponsor is ThinkGeek, a one stop web shop for the smart masses. Today’s prize is the the Homo Sapiens Caveman Kitchen Tool. Or as I’m re-naming it, the Grok Tool. It pounds. It smashes. It even…grates garlic? Yep, all that and you now have the ability to mercifully end the life of your spear-wounded prey. And whether you win or lose, check out for fun stuff like killer bunny slippers, pice cubes, and previously featured miracle fruit.

The Contest:

If you were alive in the mid-1990’s, you may remember comedian Jeff Foxworthy’s empire of “You might be a redneck if…” humor. Today I’m looking for “You might be Primal if…” jokes. Think one up and leave it in the comment board.


  • You might be Primal if you’ve been banned from your local grocery store for repeatedly violating the “No shirt, no shoes, no service” policy.
  • You might be Primal if you’ve never used an elevator. Ever.
  • You might be Primal if you prefer your apple with worms.
  • You might be Primal if you accidentally broke your neighbor’s second story window with a kettlebell.
  • You might be Primal if every butcher in America can recognize you on the spot.
  • You might be Primal if you measure friends, relatives, and children not by the mettle of their character, but by how far you could throw them.
  • You might be Primal if you’ve started to use Tabata intervals for dish washing, shopping, shaving, and dating.
  • You might be Primal if you make guests take off their shoes before leaving the house.
  • You might be Primal if you measure time by the number of cows you’ve consumed since an event occurred… “When did we take that trip to Portland?” “Oh, that was about 3 cows ago.”


This prize is available to anyone in the world who has ever dreamed of mashing objects with a large chunk of sandstone.

The Contest End Time:

Midnight, tonight!

How the Winner Will Be Determined:

I’ll pick a handful of my favorites and let all of you decide the winner through a reader poll.

Update: With dozens of equally witty and humorous submissions I’ve decided to hold a random drawing for this prize. Check the contest page to see who has won!

To track all the contests visit The Primal Blueprint Health Challenge Contest Page for daily updates.

Visit The Primal Blueprint Health Challenge for challenge details.

You want comments? We got comments:

Imagine you’re George Clooney. Take a moment to admire your grooming and wit. Okay, now imagine someone walks up to you and asks, “What’s your name?” You say, “I’m George Clooney.” Or maybe you say, “I’m the Clooninator!” You don’t say “I’m George of George Clooney Sells Movies Blog” and you certainly don’t say, “I’m Clooney Weight Loss Plan”. So while spam is technically meat, it ain’t anywhere near Primal. Please nickname yourself something your friends would call you.

  1. You might be primal if you got another weight kit (kid?) so you and your SO could both have one to work out with!

    Gina wrote on September 1st, 2009
  2. You might be primal if you’v been arrested for stalking small animals in your park using the Grok crawl

    Chris Lowrey wrote on September 16th, 2010
  3. You might be primal if you walk past a bag of chips and soda and open a bag of jerky and a cup of good old water.

    Lauren Ornelas wrote on March 23rd, 2011
  4. you might be primal if: your neat freak relatives ask you to put your shoes on before you walk into their house

    mark bouvier wrote on August 8th, 2011
  5. You might be primal.
    Me am primal.

    Tom B-D wrote on February 18th, 2012
  6. You might be primal if you have a love/hate relationship with all the bacon grease splatter stains on your clothes.

    Tyler wrote on March 17th, 2012
  7. You might be primal if you love chewing on bones and cracking them for the marrow after your meal and consider that to be dessert!

    skuafox wrote on May 23rd, 2012
  8. You eat grassfed liver for breakfast
    you get your salad from your backyard, barefoot, and don’t wash it before you eat it

    Irene wrote on September 1st, 2013

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