31 Aug

Contest: You Might Be Primal If…

bfb9 homo sapiens caveman kitchen tThe Prize:

Brainy and brawny go well together. That’s why today’s sponsor is ThinkGeek, a one stop web shop for the smart masses. Today’s prize is the the Homo Sapiens Caveman Kitchen Tool. Or as I’m re-naming it, the Grok Tool. It pounds. It smashes. It even…grates garlic? Yep, all that and you now have the ability to mercifully end the life of your spear-wounded prey. And whether you win or lose, check out ThinkGeek.com for fun stuff like killer bunny slippers, pice cubes, and previously featured miracle fruit.

The Contest:

If you were alive in the mid-1990’s, you may remember comedian Jeff Foxworthy’s empire of “You might be a redneck if…” humor. Today I’m looking for “You might be Primal if…” jokes. Think one up and leave it in the comment board.

Examples:

  • You might be Primal if you’ve been banned from your local grocery store for repeatedly violating the “No shirt, no shoes, no service” policy.
  • You might be Primal if you’ve never used an elevator. Ever.
  • You might be Primal if you prefer your apple with worms.
  • You might be Primal if you accidentally broke your neighbor’s second story window with a kettlebell.
  • You might be Primal if every butcher in America can recognize you on the spot.
  • You might be Primal if you measure friends, relatives, and children not by the mettle of their character, but by how far you could throw them.
  • You might be Primal if you’ve started to use Tabata intervals for dish washing, shopping, shaving, and dating.
  • You might be Primal if you make guests take off their shoes before leaving the house.
  • You might be Primal if you measure time by the number of cows you’ve consumed since an event occurred… “When did we take that trip to Portland?” “Oh, that was about 3 cows ago.”

Eligibility:

This prize is available to anyone in the world who has ever dreamed of mashing objects with a large chunk of sandstone.

The Contest End Time:

Midnight, tonight!

How the Winner Will Be Determined:

I’ll pick a handful of my favorites and let all of you decide the winner through a reader poll.

Update: With dozens of equally witty and humorous submissions I’ve decided to hold a random drawing for this prize. Check the contest page to see who has won!

To track all the contests visit The Primal Blueprint Health Challenge Contest Page for daily updates.

Visit The Primal Blueprint Health Challenge for challenge details.

Subscribe to Mark’s Daily Apple feeds

You want comments? We got comments:

Imagine you’re George Clooney. Take a moment to admire your grooming and wit. Okay, now imagine someone walks up to you and asks, “What’s your name?” You say, “I’m George Clooney.” Or maybe you say, “I’m the Clooninator!” You don’t say “I’m George of George Clooney Sells Movies Blog” and you certainly don’t say, “I’m Clooney Weight Loss Plan”. So while spam is technically meat, it ain’t anywhere near Primal. Please nickname yourself something your friends would call you.

  1. You might be primal if the sight of a grass fed cow makes you more excited than a member of the opposite sex.

    Wendy wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • Food never tromps sex.

      Primal_Pebbles wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • Caveat: Food trumps sex only if you’re starving.

      Kiran wrote on August 31st, 2009
  2. You might be primal if your appetite is more roused by the petting zoo than by the funnel cake at the summer county fair.

    Aaron Blaisdell wrote on August 31st, 2009
  3. You might be primal if you stop and pickup roadkill for an afternoon snack.

    Kurtis wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • You might be primal if you ask for a birthday steak instead of a birthday cake.

      Adrienne wrote on August 31st, 2009
      • Even before knowing about being MDA, my co-workers gave me meatballs instead of a cake for birthday: http://ox.cx/torte.jpg :)

        hynek wrote on August 31st, 2009
        • That is wicked!!!!!

          fishergirl wrote on September 3rd, 2009
  4. You might be primal if you look at a “Quadruple Bypass Burger” and think the bun is unhealthy.

    Kiran wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • this one made me laugh out loud b/c it hit so close to home.

      CKB wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • Slight variant:

      You might be primal if you look at a “Quadruple Bypass Burger” and think “It’s the Bun that will kill ya”

      Kiran wrote on August 31st, 2009
  5. You might be primal if the sight of a grass-fed T-Bone and a side of butter makes you grunt with joy.

    Krys wrote on August 31st, 2009
  6. You might be primal if “Low-Fat” is an automatic disqualifier.

    Kiran wrote on August 31st, 2009
  7. You might be primal if when walking to the shops you try to work out the longest way to get there

    Marc Shorten wrote on August 31st, 2009
  8. You might be primal if the kids on the playground would rather play with you than with their parents.

    Geoff wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • Or if they’d rather play with you than the other kids.

      GeriMorgan wrote on August 31st, 2009
  9. You might be primal if when other kids were looking for Easter eggs you were looking for the bunny.

    Marc Shorten wrote on August 31st, 2009
  10. You might be primal if you go clubbing for dinner instead of after dinner.

    You might be primal if you see a bag of potato chips and Won’t Eat Just One.

    Chris wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • Chips is my nemesis. I have to have some every couple of weeks or so.

      Kiran wrote on August 31st, 2009
      • Same here. Binged on some corn chips and salsa at a party two weeks ago.

        Aaron Blaisdell wrote on August 31st, 2009
        • have you tried pork rinds yet?

          Took me several bites to get into them but now they’re great to have around when I “need” something crunchy that’s not a veggie.

          FlyNavyWife wrote on August 31st, 2009
  11. You might be primal if you break into a sprint for no particular reason.

    Kiran wrote on August 31st, 2009
  12. You might be primal if your idea of getting fit involves regular naps

    Marc Shorten wrote on August 31st, 2009
  13. You might be a Primal if you see a jogger and your first instinct is to chase it down for dinner

    Max Lambert wrote on August 31st, 2009
  14. You might be primal if skipping a couple of meals doesn’t bother you.

    Kiran wrote on August 31st, 2009
  15. You might be primal if you bring a fishing pole to Sea World.

    You might be primal if your food “pyramid” looks more like a food Sphinx… a tasty, pastured Sphinx.

    Chris wrote on August 31st, 2009
  16. If you consider bacon fat a condiment, you might be Primal

    Russ wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • You might be primal if you save burger fat to cook with.

      Kiran wrote on August 31st, 2009
  17. Ymbpi the local cat population has suffered since your arrival to the neighborhood.

    wd wrote on August 31st, 2009
  18. You might be primal if you commute to work by swinging from tree to tree.

    You might be primal if you and your dog are arguing over who gets the scraps.

    cc40 wrote on August 31st, 2009
  19. You might be primal if you go outside to relieve yourself.

    Curiousfarmer wrote on August 31st, 2009
  20. If you think the Government’s food pyramid is a crime against humanity, you might be Primal.

    Russ wrote on August 31st, 2009
  21. You might be primal if you invite friends over for supper, and they ask what’s being served, and you reply “Meat! Oh, and some plants.”

    Bonus points if they nervously ask what *kind* of meat.

    gcb wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • *laugh* Yeah, a friend of mine is coming over to dinner tomorrow night, and when we were determining the time, I said “Great, I’ll pick up the steaks on Monday!”

      She asked nervously, “Are we having anything besides steak?”

      (We’re having broccoli beef with cauliflower rice.)

      Griff wrote on August 31st, 2009
  22. You might be primal if you ask to keep the old tires when you have new ones put on your car.

    Curiousfarmer wrote on August 31st, 2009
  23. You might be Primal if visitors to your home comment on the souvenir Springbok hide…and you tell them he was delicious ;-)

    kuno1chi wrote on August 31st, 2009
  24. You might be primal if lard makes you salivate.

    Rob wrote on August 31st, 2009
  25. You might be primal if you ask your girlfriend to kill a baby chicken. True story! http://curiousfarmer.wordpress.com/2009/07/15/killing-with-kindness/

    Curiousfarmer wrote on August 31st, 2009
  26. You might also be Primal if they try to hate you at the gym for acting so crazy— but you’re having so much fun they want to play, too.

    kuno1chi wrote on August 31st, 2009
  27. You might be Primal if: The smoke alarm goes off when you’re cooking a steak, and you hit the “re-set” button.

    With your Mace.

    kuno1chi wrote on August 31st, 2009
  28. You might be Primal if you spend more money on bicycle tires than you do on gasoline.

    You might be Primal if your workout routine includes chasing your dogs/kids/siblings across the yard.

    You might be Primal if you’ve ever had to share dinner with your cat. (Fun fact: I did. Last night.)

    You might be Primal if your weight rack weighs more than your car.

    You might be Primal if “eating out” and “flashlight tag” mean the same thing to you.

    GeriMorgan wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • You look like you might be on YPP. May I ask what your handle on there is ?

      Kiran wrote on August 31st, 2009
  29. You might be Primal if an annoyed person tells you to “take a hike” and you do.

    Sharon wrote on August 31st, 2009
  30. You might be primal if you consider the housework to be your workout of the day!

    Robin wrote on August 31st, 2009
  31. You might be primal if your four basic food groups are beef, pork, poultry, and fish.

    Success Warrior wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • Wha ? Eggs aren’t a basic food group ?

      Kiran wrote on August 31st, 2009
      • Just roll eggs under poultry ;)

        Marcus wrote on August 31st, 2009
  32. You might be primal if when asked to pick up rice at the market, you bring home cauliflower.

    Bourgogne wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • Good one – I have done this.

      Mike wrote on August 31st, 2009
  33. You might be primal if you like your worms with an apple

    pieter d wrote on August 31st, 2009
  34. You might be primal if you look for the farther parking spot from the door.

    Henry Miller wrote on August 31st, 2009
  35. you might be primal if you take off your shirt at every possible occasion

    (if you’re male)

    pieter d wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • (or if you’re not)

      GeriMorgan wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • or female :P

      fishergirl wrote on September 3rd, 2009
  36. The chicken or the egg? You might be primal if you want both.

    pieter d wrote on August 31st, 2009
  37. You might be primal if cows, pigs and chickens run the other way when they see you coming.

    Chris Tomek wrote on August 31st, 2009
  38. You might be primal if you
    knick-knack, paddy whack,
    give a dog a bone,
    then chase it and catch it,
    and then throw it as far as can
    and then brake it and
    suck the marrow out of it
    and…

    (This old man came sprinting home.)

    pieter d wrote on August 31st, 2009
  39. You might be Primal if you consider a coconut that has freshly fallen from a tree as nature’s gobstopper.

    thebkon wrote on August 31st, 2009
  40. You might be primal if no matter how well you explain yourself your friends and family think you’re going to die young from clogged arteries.

    Ted wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • yesss I know exactly what you mean!

      fishergirl wrote on September 3rd, 2009
  41. you might be primal if conventional wisdom is more terrifying than the bogeyman…

    Rich wrote on August 31st, 2009
  42. You might be primal if your IQ is higher than your daily carb gram count.

    Ed wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • HA! Hee hee hee…

      fritchbeetle wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • You might be primal if your pants size is higher than your daily carb gram count.

      GeriMorgan wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • I love this one!

      Catalina wrote on August 31st, 2009
  43. You might be primal if you fry you bacon in beef tallow.

    David L. wrote on August 31st, 2009
  44. You might be primal if someone asks “What’s for dinner?”, you reply, “Not sure, haven’t caught it yet!”

    hawken wrote on August 31st, 2009
  45. You might also be Primal if:
    instead of calling Police about your noisy party, they knock politely on the door— to inquire about the howling.

    kuno1chi wrote on August 31st, 2009
  46. You might be primal if you climb the stairs on all fours, and backwards.

    maba wrote on August 31st, 2009
  47. You might be primal if your “inforamation superhighway” is now the path through the forest to deer you’d like to eat!

    Lisa wrote on August 31st, 2009
  48. You might be primal if you dip carrot in rendered bacon fat.

    David L. wrote on August 31st, 2009
  49. You might be primal if you prefer your women to have more hair than the animals you hunt.

    Matt wrote on August 31st, 2009
  50. …and besides, the cops are already AT that party :-D

    kuno1chi wrote on August 31st, 2009
  51. You might be Primal if your idea of reality TV would be the old computer game “Oregon Trail”

    Chris Heath wrote on August 31st, 2009
  52. You might be primal if you walk past a koi pond and think about how many people each would feed.

    fritchbeetle wrote on August 31st, 2009
  53. You might be Primal if you live in a cave.

    Ben wrote on August 31st, 2009
  54. You might be Primal if your bathroom plunger is a backyard stick.

    Ben wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • Hey, primal does not mean primitive. Plungers are *very* useful.

      Kiran wrote on August 31st, 2009
  55. You might be primal if you bring your own meat to the butcher.

    musajen wrote on August 31st, 2009
  56. You might be primal if the neighborhood squirrel population has suddenly declined.

    musajen wrote on August 31st, 2009
  57. You might be primal if the phrase “prime time” makes you think of cuts of meat rather than watching television.

    Michael wrote on August 31st, 2009
  58. If you start contemplating seasonings when a snake slithers past your bare feet, you might be primal.

    musajen wrote on August 31st, 2009
  59. You might be primal if you don’t even bother washing your vegetables. Nor peeling your fruit.

    Sylvie O wrote on August 31st, 2009
  60. You might be primal if… your home gym is made up of slosh tubes, sand bags, tree stumps and rocks rather than a yoga mat and a treadmill.

    You might be primal if… on a first date, when your date mentions she’s vegan, you immediately take her home. (My friend actually did this.)

    Primal_Pebbles wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • Was it meant to shock her or what ?

      Kiran wrote on August 31st, 2009
      • I guess this has more to do with the fact that she’s raw fed ;)

        zbiggy wrote on August 31st, 2009
      • No, he doesn’t date people he couldn’t see himself marrying, according to him. She was your average grain eating vegan. Once when we went out for dinner, he insisted on frog legs. If he can’t share some sort of animal over a meal, it might kill him hehehe.

        Primal_Pebbles wrote on August 31st, 2009
  61. You might be primal if your motto is, “everything’s better with bacon.”

    Cameron Perry wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • But everything IS better with bacon!!

      DebFM wrote on August 31st, 2009
  62. You might be Primal if:

    Instead of flowers, your boyfriend brings you half a Goat. And a large rock.

    or if…

    Your kitchen has, even briefly, resembled the set of, “Dexter”.

    kuno1chi wrote on August 31st, 2009
  63. You might be primal if flip flops seem like too much foot support.

    Cameron Perry wrote on August 31st, 2009
  64. You might be primal, if you don’t join primal contests.

    Sorry to spoil the party – I enjoyed MDA for a long time, but for me the posts and contest machinery of this month seem to be more adequate for a religious sect who needs self-affirmations than for people who just like information to stay healthy.

    JD wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • If you don’t enjoy it here, go back to your own cave.

      Or I will throw a big rock at you ;-)

      kuno1chi wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • You might be primal if you can have fun doing silly things – like goofy contents – that “serious” people would find errelevant and irritating.

      Bourgogne wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • Dear sir, we are in it for the lulz. Come back next month for your regularly-scheduled srs bsns.

      GeriMorgan wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • To each his own, JD. I hope you’ll come back in coming weeks once the contests are over and we get back into the swing of our regularly scheduled content. Cheers!

      Mark Sisson wrote on August 31st, 2009
  65. You might be primal if you’re buying eggs and you wonder if four dozen is enough for the week.

    You might be primal if your co-workers can complete your lunch order for you – “… and he’ll want extra beef with that”

    You might be primal if your house smells vaguely of bacon.

    You might be primal if you’ve invested in a bacon press.

    You might be primal if you eat the fattiest part of the meat first – just to be sure you’re getting enough fat.

    You might be primal if your friends keep asking where you got all those muscles. And you’re 50.

    jtkeith wrote on August 31st, 2009
  66. You might be primal if you’ve traded wine tasting for olive oil tasting.

    Jamie wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • We do that here in the SF Bay Area! I’ve always hated alcohol but I love olive oil and balsamic vinegar tasting.

      Primal_Pebbles wrote on August 31st, 2009
  67. You might be Primal if you discover that, while your back was turned to fry up some eggs to go with breakfast, your 3-year-old consumed an entire stick of butter and half a side of uncured bacon…and, instead of scolding him, you felt strangely proud of your little Grok’s feat (true story!).

    Elana wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • Awesome!

      Before I had “discovered” MDA and PB, I was making cookies with a preschooler… she asked to lick the butter wrapper and I told her not to – that butter was an ingredient, not a food.
      Gosh, I wish I could go back and change things on that day…

      FlyNavyWife wrote on August 31st, 2009
  68. You might be Primal if, while assisting with surgery, the sight of blood makes you hungry for a rare Porterhouse steak.

    Eileen wrote on August 31st, 2009
  69. You might be primal if “going to the gym” means going out to the large rocks in your backyard.

    Tyler wrote on August 31st, 2009
  70. YMBPI- YOu have declared war on Conventional Wisdom and you are trying to recruit footsoldiers.

    Sean Fox wrote on August 31st, 2009
  71. YOU MIGHT BE PRIMAL IF YOUR AT HOME WITH NO REAL FOOD SO YOU TURN TO YOUR BELOVED PETS IN SEARCH OF MEAT.

    John wrote on August 31st, 2009
  72. You might be primal if you hide baggies of nuts and jerky from yourself in order to recreate the hunt.

    Nick Fiacco wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • What a great idea!

      Bourgogne wrote on August 31st, 2009
  73. You might be primal if you have no idea what is in the center isles of a grocery store.

    Marc wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • So true! The only times I go into those aisles now is to find spices, ziplocs/foil, and occasionally pork rinds.

      FlyNavyWife wrote on August 31st, 2009
  74. You might be primal if you tell your family that bread is evil.

    Mike wrote on August 31st, 2009
  75. You might be primal if seeing “healthy” sugar-loaded food makes you feel sick, but still-bleeding meat makes you hungry.

    Anna wrote on August 31st, 2009
  76. You might be Primal if you are annoyingly energetic

    You might be Primal if you wrestle your dog for meat

    You might be Primal if you say “Grok on” to all your friends

    Alejandro wrote on August 31st, 2009
  77. You might be primal if you expect your girlfriend to forage for her share of dinner. http://curiousfarmer.wordpress.com/2009/02/26/wild-food-foraging-fun/

    Curiousfarmer wrote on August 31st, 2009
  78. You might be primal if you actually find these jokes funny!

    Cameron wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • Hahaha, I like that.

      maba wrote on August 31st, 2009
  79. You might be primal if you find yourself cutting up raw liver for sauteed liver and onions, only to discover you eaten more than half of it as you get ready to throw it in the pan to cook.

    Rahsaan wrote on August 31st, 2009
  80. You might be primal if your workout is everyone else’s warmup

    Ryan Hewitt wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • Oops I meant You might be primal if everyone else’s workout is your warmup

      Ryan Hewitt wrote on August 31st, 2009
      • No, if you’re doing HIIT or Tabata intervals, your workout *might* be everyone else’s warmup! It works both ways.

        Griff wrote on August 31st, 2009
  81. If you’ve ever traded your desert for your date’s steak at a restaurant, you might be primal

    Russ wrote on August 31st, 2009
  82. …if 90% of your home improvement store visits are to make exercise equipment and NOT for home improvements.

    Clint wrote on August 31st, 2009
  83. You might be Primal if 70% cocoa-dark chocolate-covered-bacon is your idea of a healthful snack.

    You might be Primal if you get your water from a filtered tap instead of from a bottle.

    You might be Primal if your doctor considers your wonderful lab values miraculous, considering your diet.

    You might be Primal if you don’t just take your kids to the playground but play with them on the jungle gym.

    You might be Primal if you would never think to drive anywhere that’s less than two miles away (or five, or ten…).

    Griff wrote on August 31st, 2009
  84. You might be primal if you scrap your kitchen cabinets and install a walk-in cooler (with meat hooks), a freezer, and your floor now has a drain.

    Jeffrey K wrote on August 31st, 2009
  85. You might be Primal if:

    Your new favorite appetizer is a 24-hour IF.

    kuno1chi wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • Good one!

      maba wrote on August 31st, 2009
  86. You might be primal if the most stressful thing in your life is the imaginary sabre-tooth tiger that lives in your basement …and what the neighbors think when it chases you to work in the morning.

    Nelter wrote on August 31st, 2009
  87. You might be primal if:

    A Nation Geographic reporter has to discover you and explain why he/she is watching you from afar, explain his/her fancy clothes(explain a whole lot really using pictures because you can’t read or understand the language). You then end up on Good Morning America the next week explaining (in pictures) why you look so healthy and fit. Then you eat everything in sight while in NYC and get so fat and diseased that everyone loses their interest in you!! You then make it on the Jerry Springer show the next week and eventually become so distraught you head back home. After a month of living in your old ways you lose the weight and look great again. The next week you see another National Geographic reporter looking at you from afar and club him/her instantly. This is being videotaped by-the-way. You end up with a name….Yeti.

    pinebark wrote on August 31st, 2009
  88. You might be Primal if you think our healthy diet is killing us

    mcoz-09 wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • Or if you know it is.

      Griff wrote on August 31st, 2009
  89. You might be primal if you find yourself in the woods fighting the bear…and enjoying it… for who gets to pick those wild blackberries.

    chocolatechip69 wrote on August 31st, 2009
  90. if you cook your broccoli on bacon fat … you might be primal

    if you cant wait for your next 24h fast … you might be primal

    if your the reason for all the missing cat posters in the neighborhood … you might be primal

    if Mark’s Daily Apple is you new home page … you might be primal

    if you don’t wash or peel your fruit and veggies cus “a little dirt might be good for you” … you might be primal

    John wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • (you can really tell who knows Jeff Foxworthy’s stand-up…. you obviously do.)

      :)

      FlyNavyWife wrote on August 31st, 2009
  91. You might be primal if your boyfried/girfriend have to sneak Wonder Bread and Twinkies behind your back to avoid the long lectures.

    chocolatechip69 wrote on August 31st, 2009
  92. You might be primal if you prefer “fest food” over fast food.

    chocolatechip69 wrote on August 31st, 2009
  93. You might be primal if you come to a family reunion with your own personal Tupperware and don’t notice weird looks anymore.

    chocolatechip69 wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • Guilty as charged. Though I’m still getting strange looks. “You brought WHAT to our vegan meal?!”

      Piper wrote on September 1st, 2009
  94. You might be primal if you just washed your undershorts at the river while hunting down your dinner!

    PrimalGoddess wrote on August 31st, 2009
  95. you might be kinky if you are currently imagining the ways in which the “Homo Sapiens Caveman Kitchen Tool” could second as a flogger. lol!

    jellysoda wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • LOL! How many calories DO you burn when you flog someone, anyway? Just substitute raquetball? ;)

      Griff wrote on August 31st, 2009
  96. You might be primal if your doctor thinks you are a waste of time.

    Twonky wrote on August 31st, 2009
  97. You might be primal if you cook everything in bacon fat.

    You might be primal if your dessert has more fat and fewer carbs than a Jenny Craig dinner.

    You might be primal if everyone stares at you at the gym.

    You might be primal if your lunch causes people to question how you can eat so much dietary fat and have so little body fat.

    David wrote on August 31st, 2009
  98. You might be primal if you are barefoot, but you feet are so dirty people think you are wearing shoes.

    jalense wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • Hahaha

      maba wrote on August 31st, 2009
  99. You might be primal if people wonder what all the strange ingredients are in your cupboards.

    You might be primal if you make sure the animals you eat have eaten well, too.

    You might be primal if you look at household and barn chores as ways of exercising primally.

    Laurie Donaldson wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • One might be and very likely is primal if
      1.You have beyond lustful thoughts about a cashier..preferably but only(if in Rome) of the opposite sex.
      2.One is preapred to go a few days sans a shower and basking in the radiance of ones under arm whiff.
      3.One is deeply Unconcerned by the roughly 5 pounds of feces we eat each and every year in our foody
      4.We’re all primal in myriad ways,we don’t honour that again in myriad ways and thats a reasonable part of our problem.

      Simon Fellows wrote on August 31st, 2009
  100. You might be primal if it suddenly seems like a good idea to grow all your own veges and get some chickens… and do you think the neighbours would mind if we got a cow?

    Nycaise wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • Our HOA won’t let us have chickens… I checked.

      Primal_Pebbles wrote on August 31st, 2009
  101. You might be primal if you ate pork tongue for lunch today.

    jtkeith wrote on August 31st, 2009
  102. When you are at your favorite steak house and the person at the table next to you orders “the biggest T-Bone they have, hold the potato” you silently think to yourself “Grok On”, then you might be primal.

    Rob wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • And your table-neighbor might also be primal!

      FlyNavyWife wrote on August 31st, 2009
  103. You might be primal if you have trouble finding clothes in your size at the store, but there are plenty of XXLs to choose from.

    DaveFish wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • Good one! I look forward to the day I can say this!

      Piper wrote on September 1st, 2009
  104. Your 4-year-old might be primal if she tells the neighbors she doesn’t want a popsicle, of her own accord!!

    And, you might be primal if you have the stamina to read through all of these jokes! LOL. What a huge list!!

    Wendy1 wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • My 5 year old brother does that with the sample ladies at the grocery store. He says it “has soy” or “MSG” in it. He’s been doing this as long as he’s been able to talk.

      Primal_Pebbles wrote on August 31st, 2009
  105. If the TV commercials touting the “health benefits” of the processed food they are hawking fill you with indignation…you just might be primal.

    DaveFish wrote on August 31st, 2009
  106. You might be primal if you say lick my five fingers instead of kiss my ass.

    Jon wrote on August 31st, 2009
  107. You might be primal if your workouts are more varied than your diet!

    Curiousfarmer wrote on August 31st, 2009
  108. You might be primal if you can’t tell the difference between bear scat and your own!

    Curiousfarmer wrote on August 31st, 2009
  109. You might be primal if a burpee isn’t just something you do with your mouth.

    JBraun wrote on August 31st, 2009
  110. You might be Primal is you overhear others talking about a “snack with a creamy filling” and all you can imagine is a cow femur crammed full of marrow.

    jennifer wrote on August 31st, 2009
  111. You might be primal if when you forget a fork, you don’t hesitate to continue eating with your fingers.

    smiling_jack wrote on August 31st, 2009
  112. You might be primal if you wonder why anyone would want to buy something low-fat.

    smiling_jack wrote on August 31st, 2009
  113. Okay, one more…

    You might be primal if you start wondering if you can run down the neighbor’s dog.

    smiling_jack wrote on August 31st, 2009
  114. You might be primal if your favorite bookmarks are MarksDaily.com, Son of Grok, Paynowlivelater and Crossfit.com and always checking Twitter to see what other Primal Blueprint Groks are eating for that day! ;)

    clayberg wrote on August 31st, 2009
  115. You might be primal if you’re frustrated by the “doorstep gifts” the cat leaves…simply because they’re never enough for a meal.

    Brian Robertson wrote on August 31st, 2009
  116. If you use the the hotdog bun at the ballpark as your plate, you might be Primal.

    kricka wrote on August 31st, 2009
  117. You might be primal if every tree branch looks like a pull up bar.

    SB wrote on August 31st, 2009
  118. You might be primal if…
    your stove resembles outdoor’s hotrocks.

    You tell the waiter you want your steak bloody as hell.

    You don’t wear boxers or breifs by hanes, instead you wear loin cloths by grok.

    Jose Anthony Llanes wrote on August 31st, 2009
  119. You might be primal if everyone complains about the noise the cicadas make and you can only think “hmm, good harvest this year”.

    You might be primal if your girlfriend says “aw, what a cute bunnie” and you think “oh, what a delicious appetizer”.

    You might be primal if you get a field guide to edible plants becase your local market “doesn’t have enough selection”.

    You might be primal if you see a flock of wild geese in a field and you wonder how many you can catch before they fly away.

    You might be primal if when you see a product labeled “now with more fiber” you laugh; scaring the other shoppers.

    You might be primal if you hassle someone who buys a low fat avocado. (http://www.brookstropicals.com/)

    FinallyFree wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • HAHAHA I was picnicking with my husband and there was a flock of geese… I asked him if we could catch one for dinner. He said no. :(

      FlyNavyWife wrote on August 31st, 2009
  120. If your bathroom is right next to your dog’s…you might be primal.

    Anders wrote on August 31st, 2009
  121. You might be primal if going to the company picnic means not eating for three hours.

    Matt wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • Hey, spontaneous IF!

      Griff wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • Lol! This has happened to me a couple of times!

      Gary wrote on August 31st, 2009
  122. You might be primal if:

    …you’ve ever made a list of all the different animals you’ve eaten. Bonus points for including different species of insects that you’ve eaten.

    You might be a primal college student if:

    …you’ve tried to figure out how to cook chicken, hamburger, etc in a microwave.

    …you steal spinach/lettuce from the salad bar at your school cafeteria to snack on while you’re finishing that paper you put off until the night before it was due.

    …you’ve made a list of all the restaurants that offer delivery/takeout in your town that have primal options (salad, etc).

    …instead of sneaking your own candy/soda into a movie, you sneak in bacon.

    …when eating in the cafeteria, you take three grilled chicken sandwiches and throw away all the buns.

    AmyMac703 wrote on August 31st, 2009
  123. You might be primal if you would buy the cow even if you got the milk for free!

    pam wrote on August 31st, 2009
  124. You might be primal if you think playgrounds are for adults too, not just kids.

    Judy wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • A park here actually does have adult playgrounds. How cool is that?!

      FlyNavyWife wrote on August 31st, 2009
      • Our local playground becomes an adult playground at night after the clubs close: it fills up with drunk people reliving their youth!

        gazb wrote on September 1st, 2009
  125. Got some more for ya.

    You might be Primal if you have “Korg pants” for the days you’re feeling a bit pudgy.

    You might be Primal if your fight-or-flight instincts are activated by the Weight Watchers logo.

    You might be Primal if you go to the local steak house, order the biggest steak they have, then complain that it isn’t rare enough.

    GeriMorgan wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • I LUV the weight watchers one.

      musajen wrote on August 31st, 2009
  126. you might be primal if you think that fast food is the herd of antelope that is sprinting away from you…

    Marti wrote on August 31st, 2009
  127. …you might be primal if you hear that someone has been sentenced to death row and you wonder what bakery they have been confined to…

    Marti wrote on August 31st, 2009
  128. You might be primal if tourists snap photos of you walking around town.

    You might be primal if you think pork fat is the other white meat.

    Steven wrote on August 31st, 2009
  129. You might be primal if your coworkers gather just to watch you eat.

    Steven wrote on August 31st, 2009
  130. You might be Primal if you now use your treadmill for deadlifts.

    You might be Primal if your kids beg you to go home because they’re tired out, but you’re still playing on the jungle gym.

    Brian wrote on August 31st, 2009
  131. You might be primal if you have made a salad dressing out of lard!

    PrimalGoddess wrote on August 31st, 2009
  132. You might be primal if instead of swatting at the bugs that come at you, you crunch them in your hands and toss them with your salad!

    PrimalGoddess wrote on August 31st, 2009
  133. You might be primal if the local butcher drops off all this waste in your carport.

    PrimalGoddess wrote on August 31st, 2009
  134. You might be primal if you ask your husband to drag you to bed by your hair!

    PrimalGoddess wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • too much information!

      FlyNavyWife wrote on August 31st, 2009
    • No joke, PrimalGoddess…
      :-D

      kuno1chi wrote on September 1st, 2009
  135. You might be primal if you pick your teeth with your chicken leg bone!

    PrimalGoddess wrote on August 31st, 2009
  136. You might be primal if you find that you like to beat your chest after HIIT!

    PrimalGoddess wrote on August 31st, 2009
  137. you might be Primal if your “sole” is made of kangaroo skin…

    Nicola wrote on August 31st, 2009
  138. If instead of milk and bread, you stockpile bacon and eggs before a snow storm…you might be primal.

    If people hate you because you eat what you want, when you want, have fun while “working out”, actually enjoy living life, and you’re body is so damn sexy. . .you might me primal.

    brian p wrote on August 31st, 2009
  139. You might be priimal if you fight your dogs for the steak bones.

    PrimalGoddess wrote on August 31st, 2009
  140. You might be primal if you think mud is a great sunscreen.

    PrimalGoddess wrote on August 31st, 2009
  141. You might be primal if you stole all your husbands PVC piping to make a slosh pipe!

    PrimalGoddess wrote on August 31st, 2009
  142. You might be primal if you robbed your kids sandbox to make a Bulgarian training bag. Hee hee

    PrimalGoddess wrote on August 31st, 2009
  143. You might be primal if, at the gym, people stop, watch and compare you to a monkey.

    (This happens to me pretty often. . .usually while doing muscle ups on the pull up bar)

    brian p wrote on August 31st, 2009
  144. You might be primal if you ask Santa for Kettlebells, Vibram five fingers and a smoker.

    PrimalGoddess wrote on August 31st, 2009
  145. If you sold your ‘57 Chevy because it had a carb, you might be primal

    Tom wrote on August 31st, 2009
  146. You might be primal if the phrase “leave the cave, kill something and drag it back” is not a metaphor.

    Steven wrote on August 31st, 2009
  147. You might be primal if you kiss a frog and have her for dinner.

    Dexter wrote on August 31st, 2009
  148. You might be Primal if you get excited when you crack an egg and get a double yolk! Double Yolk!!!!! w00t!

    kricka wrote on August 31st, 2009
  149. You might be primal if you start looking at http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/ for recipe ideas.

    Kiran wrote on August 31st, 2009
  150. You might be primal if the only juice you drinks comes from a clam.

    You might be primal if “5 a day” means chicken, beef, offal, fish, and pork to you.

    Primal_Pebbles wrote on August 31st, 2009
  151. You might be primal if you get all your vegetables from your meat.

    Chad Cilli wrote on August 31st, 2009
  152. You might be primal when somebody tells you the butter you’re using is going to make you fat, you make sure to add a couple more pats of butter… then flip it over to the other side and do it again.

    (True story…)

    Primal_Pebbles wrote on August 31st, 2009
  153. You might be primal if you’re fasting because you failed to kill something for dinner.

    Grok wrote on August 31st, 2009
  154. You might be primal if You believe that the metallic/blood taste in your mouth after the WOD is a GOOD THING.

    You might be primal if while mowing your yard you find a kettlebell and a medicine ball.

    Mike G wrote on August 31st, 2009
  155. You’re definitely primal primal if

    …you wear bones or teeth from kills on a necklace.

    …you scratch marks after successful hunts on your walls.

    …you’ve clubbed something live with the intention of eating it.

    …you smell animal feces while hiking and lick your lips because you know your dinner recently walked by.

    Grok wrote on August 31st, 2009
  156. You might be primal if you think people are silly for weighing and measuring their food in order to eat well: Grok didn’t have measuring cups or scales!

    Stephen Hubbard wrote on September 1st, 2009
  157. You might be primal if your aquarium doubles as a menu.

    You might be primal if you think P.E.T.A stands for People for the Edible Treatment of Animals

    You might be primal if you think “Save the Whales” means “…for dessert”

    You might be primal if when someone says”Whats eating you?” you think, “Nothing,…I’ll eat it first”

    Andre Chimene wrote on September 1st, 2009
    • People Eating Tasty Animals!

      gazb wrote on September 1st, 2009
  158. If your idea of fast food is something you have to run after.. you might be primal

    Tom wrote on September 1st, 2009
  159. You might be primal if Sept. 2nd 2009 is your Day 1, Month 1, Year 0 after the 30-day challenge.

    Swiss-Chick wrote on September 1st, 2009
  160. If Geico commercials turn you on… you might be primal.

    If you consider the Karamojong Tribe to be far too advanced for your liking…you just might be primal.

    brian p wrote on September 1st, 2009
  161. You might be primal if you got another weight kit (kid?) so you and your SO could both have one to work out with!

    Gina wrote on September 1st, 2009

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