Contest: You Might Be Primal If…
The Prize:
Brainy and brawny go well together. That’s why today’s sponsor is ThinkGeek, a one stop web shop for the smart masses. Today’s prize is the the Homo Sapiens Caveman Kitchen Tool. Or as I’m re-naming it, the Grok Tool. It pounds. It smashes. It even…grates garlic? Yep, all that and you now have the ability to mercifully end the life of your spear-wounded prey. And whether you win or lose, check out ThinkGeek.com for fun stuff like killer bunny slippers, pice cubes, and previously featured miracle fruit.
The Contest:
If you were alive in the mid-1990′s, you may remember comedian Jeff Foxworthy’s empire of “You might be a redneck if…” humor. Today I’m looking for “You might be Primal if…” jokes. Think one up and leave it in the comment board.
Examples:
- You might be Primal if you’ve been banned from your local grocery store for repeatedly violating the “No shirt, no shoes, no service” policy.
- You might be Primal if you’ve never used an elevator. Ever.
- You might be Primal if you prefer your apple with worms.
- You might be Primal if you accidentally broke your neighbor’s second story window with a kettlebell.
- You might be Primal if every butcher in America can recognize you on the spot.
- You might be Primal if you measure friends, relatives, and children not by the mettle of their character, but by how far you could throw them.
- You might be Primal if you’ve started to use Tabata intervals for dish washing, shopping, shaving, and dating.
- You might be Primal if you make guests take off their shoes before leaving the house.
- You might be Primal if you measure time by the number of cows you’ve consumed since an event occurred… “When did we take that trip to Portland?” “Oh, that was about 3 cows ago.”
Eligibility:
This prize is available to anyone in the world who has ever dreamed of mashing objects with a large chunk of sandstone.
The Contest End Time:
Midnight, tonight!
How the Winner Will Be Determined:
I’ll pick a handful of my favorites and let all of you decide the winner through a reader poll.
Update: With dozens of equally witty and humorous submissions I’ve decided to hold a random drawing for this prize. Check the contest page to see who has won!
To track all the contests visit The Primal Blueprint Health Challenge Contest Page for daily updates.
Visit The Primal Blueprint Health Challenge for challenge details.
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Posted By: Mark Sisson
You might be primal if the sight of a grass fed cow makes you more excited than a member of the opposite sex.
Food never tromps sex.
Caveat: Food trumps sex only if you’re starving.
You might be primal if your appetite is more roused by the petting zoo than by the funnel cake at the summer county fair.
You might be primal if you stop and pickup roadkill for an afternoon snack.
You might be primal if you ask for a birthday steak instead of a birthday cake.
Even before knowing about being MDA, my co-workers gave me meatballs instead of a cake for birthday: http://ox.cx/torte.jpg
That is wicked!!!!!
You might be primal if you look at a “Quadruple Bypass Burger” and think the bun is unhealthy.
this one made me laugh out loud b/c it hit so close to home.
Slight variant:
You might be primal if you look at a “Quadruple Bypass Burger” and think “It’s the Bun that will kill ya”
Yes, dump the bread!
You might be primal if the sight of a grass-fed T-Bone and a side of butter makes you grunt with joy.
You might be primal if “Low-Fat” is an automatic disqualifier.
So true!
Worse yet, when someone says “it’s okay, it’s healthy. It’s lowfat”
You might be primal if when walking to the shops you try to work out the longest way to get there
You might be primal if the kids on the playground would rather play with you than with their parents.
Or if they’d rather play with you than the other kids.
No lie, I dated a girl with two kids that willing to (I wouldn’t let them) blow off an entire day with their bio Dad to hang with me for 20 minutes in the park, cause I actually climb trees barefoot; my nurse aide scrubs be damned.
You might be primal if when other kids were looking for Easter eggs you were looking for the bunny.
You might be primal if you go clubbing for dinner instead of after dinner.
You might be primal if you see a bag of potato chips and Won’t Eat Just One.
Chips is my nemesis. I have to have some every couple of weeks or so.
Same here. Binged on some corn chips and salsa at a party two weeks ago.
have you tried pork rinds yet?
Took me several bites to get into them but now they’re great to have around when I “need” something crunchy that’s not a veggie.
You might be primal if you break into a sprint for no particular reason.
You might be primal if your idea of getting fit involves regular naps
ooohhh…. That’s me
You might be a Primal if you see a jogger and your first instinct is to chase it down for dinner
You might be primal if skipping a couple of meals doesn’t bother you.
You might be primal if you bring a fishing pole to Sea World.
You might be primal if your food “pyramid” looks more like a food Sphinx… a tasty, pastured Sphinx.
Love the Sea World one, very nice
If you consider bacon fat a condiment, you might be Primal
You might be primal if you save burger fat to cook with.
Ymbpi the local cat population has suffered since your arrival to the neighborhood.
You might be primal if you commute to work by swinging from tree to tree.
You might be primal if you and your dog are arguing over who gets the scraps.
You might be primal if you go outside to relieve yourself.
If you think the Government’s food pyramid is a crime against humanity, you might be Primal.
You might be primal if you invite friends over for supper, and they ask what’s being served, and you reply “Meat! Oh, and some plants.”
Bonus points if they nervously ask what *kind* of meat.
*laugh* Yeah, a friend of mine is coming over to dinner tomorrow night, and when we were determining the time, I said “Great, I’ll pick up the steaks on Monday!”
She asked nervously, “Are we having anything besides steak?”
(We’re having broccoli beef with cauliflower rice.)
You might be primal if you ask to keep the old tires when you have new ones put on your car.
You might be Primal if visitors to your home comment on the souvenir Springbok hide…and you tell them he was delicious
You might be primal if lard makes you salivate.
You might be primal if you ask your girlfriend to kill a baby chicken. True story! http://curiousfarmer.wordpress.com/2009/07/15/killing-with-kindness/
You might also be Primal if they try to hate you at the gym for acting so crazy— but you’re having so much fun they want to play, too.
You might be Primal if: The smoke alarm goes off when you’re cooking a steak, and you hit the “re-set” button.
With your Mace.
Love it!
whyyyyyyyyyyyyy are you burning your steak?
RARE, please!
You might be Primal if you spend more money on bicycle tires than you do on gasoline.
You might be Primal if your workout routine includes chasing your dogs/kids/siblings across the yard.
You might be Primal if you’ve ever had to share dinner with your cat. (Fun fact: I did. Last night.)
You might be Primal if your weight rack weighs more than your car.
You might be Primal if “eating out” and “flashlight tag” mean the same thing to you.
You look like you might be on YPP. May I ask what your handle on there is ?
You might be Primal if an annoyed person tells you to “take a hike” and you do.
You might be primal if you consider the housework to be your workout of the day!