The Sisson Spoof

Start ‘em young…

Technorati Tags: spoof, Lunchables, Oscar Mayer, obesity epidemic, lunch, snack, children’s health, high sodium foods

Posted By: Mark Sisson

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The Fuming Fuji Says No to Breakfast Cereals for Children

The Fuming Fuji is outraged at the marketing of toxic food, especially when it’s aimed at the small fry. This week, the Fuming Fuji has decided to have a serious problem with the breakfast cereals for children.

But, Fuming Fuji, you ask, aren’t some breakfast cereals healthy?

The Fuming Fuji says no!

The claim: Breakfast cereals are enriched with 9, or 11, or 13 vitamins and minerals.

The catch: Breakfast cereals are enriched with 9, or 11, or 13 vitamins and minerals that are not biologically active and also wash off in milk, plus 9, 11, or 13 chemicals, additives, preservatives, dyes and artificial ingredients.

The comeback: Can’t you just drink the milk? And besides, lots of cereals are made with whole-grain now. Come on, Fuji!

The conclusion: Okay, you can drink the milk. It is a great way to get your daily serving of hormones, antibiotics and germs. Yes, cereals are sometimes made with whole-grain now. These same cereals are also made with sugar, sugar, and sugar. The whole grain has not replaced the sugar, only added to it!

The catchphrase: Now made with whole grain…and still a lot of other crap!

Disclaimer: Mark Sisson and the Worker Bees do not necessarily endorse the views of the Fuming Fuji.

Technorati Tags: fortified foods, vitamins, breakfast cereals, milk, food for children

Posted By: Worker Bee

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The Sisson Spoof

Jests With a Twist of Apple

Technorati Tags: whole grain cereal, Lucky Charms, General Mills, breakfast

Posted By: Worker Bee

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The Fuming Fuji Says No to Chocolate Milk!

The Fuming Fuji is outraged at the marketing of toxic food, especially when it’s aimed at the small fry. This week, the Fuming Fuji has decided to have a serious problem with chocolate milk.

But, Fuming Fuji, you ask, isn’t chocolate milk sometimes the only way to get calcium in a kid?

The Fuming Fuji says no!

The claim: Chocolate milk has all the protein, calcium and vitamins of regular milk, and kids love it!

The catch: Chocolate milk has all the protein, calcium and vitamins of regular milk, plus it’s full of sugar!

The comeback: So it has a little sweetening. At least it’s getting kids to drink their milk, right?

The conclusion: The Fuming Fuji cannot help those who believe in glorified dessert for tiny tots. Chocolate milk is a very mean thing to give your child. Milk is also mean, though admittedly not as delicious. Chocolate milk: all the fat, hormones and antibiotics of regular milk, plus sugar!

The catchphrase: Cow’s milk is for baby cows. Chocolate cow’s milk is for fat baby cows.

Disclaimer: Mark Sisson and the Worker Bees do not necessarily endorse the views of the Fuming Fuji.

Technorati Tags: milk, chocolate milk, dairy, calcium, children, sugar, hormones

Posted By: Worker Bee

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The Fuming Fuji Says No to Popcorn Shrimp!

The Fuming Fuji is outraged at the marketing of toxic food, especially when it’s aimed at the small fry. This week, the Fuming Fuji has decided to have a serious problem with popcorn shrimp.

But, Fuming Fuji, you ask, isn’t popcorn shrimp rich in protein? I thought seafood was healthy! Aren’t we supposed to eat more fish?

The Fuming Fuji says no!

The claim: Shrimp are a low-fat, high-protein food, and we all know seafood is very good for you. So what’s a little bit of breading?

The catch: Shrimp are high in toxins. Popcorn shrimp are breaded in a chemical-bleached-flour concoction. Next, they are fried in lard or trans-fat. Also, shrimp are disgusting.

The comeback: But Fuming Fuji, isn’t a little fat okay? It’s better than fried chicken, right?

The conclusion: Shrimp are very bad for you, especially when dipped in a sugary mess of flour and deep-fried. Shrimp are not your friends. They are not fish. They are sea-bugs.

The catchphrase: Do not eat fried bugs of the sea!

Disclaimer: Mark Sisson and the Worker Bees do not necessarily endorse the views of the Fuming Fuji.

Technorati Tags: popcorn shrimp, shellfish, shrimp nutrition, Fuming Fuji, sea bugs

Posted By: Worker Bee

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