What we really need more of is drinkable grains.
As if most beverages weren’t already liquid grains, the food producers of America are uniting once again to help you in your quest for diabetes (or at least a respectable gut). Since everyone knows that grains are super healthy, you can expect the trend of grain-based drinks to continue.
That’s according to a report from Food Processing, which notes that in recent years we’ve seen the rise of alternatives to dairy (not a bad thing – sorry, Big Moo). Almond milk, soy milk and rice milk have become popular, but even hemp milk is an option these days.
Of course, the marketing trend of drinkable grains is not entirely accurate, as most of these non-dairy beverages are actually made from nuts and beans. So, if you’re really concerned about drinking your grains, you’ll be relieved to know that things like soda, beer, and energy drinks are already made from grains! That’s right. Drinkable grains are not really news, as it turns out, because we’ve already had them for a long time!
The bottom line: you can enjoy all the beverages you love and still get plenty of grains in your diet.
How, you ask? Well, silly, because corn is a grain! Many people think corn is a vegetable. It is not. Corn is a delightful grain completely lacking in vitamins, antioxidants, fiber and protein. It’s pretty superficial, and I dig that. Even better, the type of sweetener manufacturers make from this most excellent kernel corrodes your arteries and raises your blood sugar. What’s uber rad is that this sweetener – high fructose corn syrup – is in pretty much everything, so you don’t even have to look for it. No, seriously, everything: sauces, syrups, spreads, drinks, snacks, candies, fruit snacks, juices, sodas, frozen foods, and desserts. Everything!
I found this chocolate fudge cola at my local grocery store. Score! I am totally gonna be drinking my grains now!
To get your daily recommended intake of grains – you need at least 6, remember – you can do the following:
- Drink 3 Coca-Colas
- Eat 1 donut and 2 cupcakes, or 1 cupcake and 2 donuts, or 1.5 donuts and 1.5 cupcakes
- You could also eat 3 brownies if you were born in the 70s
Do not forget: flavored sauces containing corn syrup count as a grain! It all counts. Give that chicken breast something to feel good about!
You can eat 3 of any sweet, refined treat, and you’ll be getting half your daily intake of grains! Don’t worry, this is all in step with the U.S. government’s dietary recommendations, which are to eat 6-11 grain servings daily, only half of which need to be whole grains (“Make half your grains whole”).
I am a bit of a princess, as you all know, so I will be eating eclairs. I want the expensive diabetes. With enough work, maybe I can even look like Labelman.
We’re all for the first amendment right to free speech, but in the interest of public health something really should be done about the misleading claims in those shiny, happy pharmaceutical commercials. To the drug makers that bombard us with them, and the U.S. Representatives that didn’t take a tougher stance goes the coveted Rotten Apple Award.
What do you think, Apples?
The Fuming Fuji is outraged at the marketing of toxic food, especially when it is aimed at the small fry. This week, El Fritter has decided to have a serious problem with Kellogg’s.
But, Fuming Fuji, you’ve been very vocal of late about your feud with David MacKay, Kellogg’s CEO. This seems like a thinly veiled attempt to lash out at your rival. What could you possibly have to gripe about when it comes to Kellogg’s? They just announced they’re making many of their foods healthier – and they will no longer be marketing sugary products to children under 12!
The Fuming Fuji says no!
The claim: Fuji, clearly this is personal. I don’t even want to hear it. In fact, I’m starting to think you just have a problem with breakfast. In the last six months, you’ve fumed against breakfast bars, breakfast cereals, breakfast waffles. Maybe you just need therapy, Fuji.
The catch: Clearly you are projecting. The Fuji cannot help you with that, he is not trained in psychotherapy. While MacKay and the Fuji have been feuding with a furor only outdone by Rosie and Donald, this has nothing to do with my anger over his hypocrisy. I am furious about the junk that Kellogg’s slings at the small fry! Big Agra’s tartlets of pop and not-berry death nuggets should not fool anybody, even you, my carbaceous foe.
The comeback: Rosie and Donald Trump, huh. I wouldn’t go that far. You’re an apple. Maybe Paris and Nicole, though.
Here’s my “carbaceous” opinion: So Kellogg’s will still be selling products they decide they cannot reformulate into healthier versions – yeah, maybe that’s a tad disingenuous. Okay, maybe a lot, actually. Wait, where was I going with this?
Oh, yeah! At least they’re not going to market unchanged products to kids, and they won’t be using cartoons to hawk the junkier stuff. Isn’t a little progress better than none? Snap! I think you’re just being stubborn, Fuji. Some would say obtuse.
The conclusion: Good for you and your knowledge of angles. Unfortunately for you I have the right angle. Ha, ha. That is a little geometry joke. I do not know this “snap” you speak of, but his cousin Crackle is a real little weasel, let me tell you.
Mark the Fuji’s words: Kellogg’s will not change very much. What little they change they will brag about like they invented Christmas.
The catchphrase: Kellogg’s: new and improved, because we didn’t feel like a lawsuit!
Disclaimer: Mark Sisson and the Worker Bees do not necessarily endorse the views of the Fuming Fuji.
Hat Tip: Get the full scoop (food police lawsuit, ensuing settlement, ensuing “we felt like changing, no reason, really” announcement from Kellogg’s, and the ensuing blogosphere buzz) at the informative youth advocacy blog Shaping Youth. Thanks, Amy!
Organic is a loaded term that has different meanings for different people. I think most of us assume it means food and food products produced without the use of chemicals, inhumane living conditions when animals are involved, or environmental damage. But as we blogged in a post called Semantic Salmon, defining the label “organic” could mean that wild salmon – arguably one of the most natural, nutritious foods on the planet – would not pass muster.
So, what does organic even mean? After all, the USDA is considering opening the organic umbrella so far, seeing the word “organic” on a product will have about as much impact as seeing the word “natural” on a can of 7up.
While I’m at it:
(Sorry, the USDA link is a subscription-only but does show a worthy snippet. I’ll fish around for the whole thing in a sec…)
UPDATE: Here’s the USDA’s own report.
Kellogg’s plans to modify its unhealthy products aimed at children, such as Pop Tarts and some of their breakfast cereals. In Kellogg’s own estimation, at least half their products are missing important nutritional marks. To address the childhood obesity epidemic, Kellogg’s will be reformulating these unhealthy processed foods…except where consumers do not like the taste change, in which case, they’ll just stop marketing those products to kids.
Hmm. They’ve read a page from the failed New Coke playbook, as this article explains. I understand that Kellogg’s doesn’t want to upset or turn away its core users (intentionally loaded term), and I suppose ceasing marketing to children is a decent compromise. But I wonder how long it’s going to be before companies start taking more responsibility. We’re just selling what people want… And so, they dance around the problem – make the product slightly more healthy, or just market it to adults. Eliminating the problem would mean radically changing the products, likely ruining the brand and killing off the company. The company’s products are the problem.
Kellogg’s could announce that they’re completely abolishing all the beloved unhealthy products and will henceforward only be producing nutritious, high-fiber, lightly-sweetened, naturally-made, ethically-produced foods. They could create a campaign enjoining the public to get behind their huge risk, their about-face, their earnest attempt to change the world by caring about children’s health. Can you imagine the promotions, publicity and the wallop of terror to their competitors? Well, more likely, the cackles of glee, because Kellogg’s would never do this, nor would any other big food producer.
The products are the problem, sure. But people do like their Pop Tarts. Someone has to make the first move…
Kellogg’s, from the article:
“It means we have a lot of work to do,” said Chief Executive David Mackay. “If we can’t make those products taste just as good as they do today and make them as appealing, then we won’t reformulate them and we won’t advertise them.“
More on Kellogg’s products (Has MacKay had a change of heart?)
Lean is in the eye of the marketer (scroll down to point #4)
HT: Cardio Blog
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