Scientists Perplexed: Issue ‘Impossible Calorie’ Award

Here at MDA, we define “premium” as something peerless. Without equal. Really, really good for you – the absolute best. We believe in living life that way.

Evidently, McDonald’s defines premium as peerless and without equal, too. As in, a really, really good way to get that nifty obesity look everyone’s working these days.

Although no scientists were permanently harmed in the deliberation of today’s Impossible Calorie Award, a few of them did need to be sent on vacation.

McDonald’s “premium” chicken strips are 100% white meat. Fabulous. This “premium” product comes packed with 1270 calories in the bigger size (and who would order only 3 strips?). Visit this clickativity and be premiumed like you’ve never been premiumed before.

Technorati Tags: premium chicken, white meat chicken, McDonald’s, calories, fast food nutrition information

Posted By: Worker Bee

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The Sisson Spoof

Technorati Tags: FDA, food pyramid, recommended food groups, daily values, nutrition recommendations

Posted By: Mark Sisson

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Scientists Perplexed: Issue ‘Impossible Calorie’ Award

Researchers at Orchard University are burning the midnight oil as they attempt to determine how a single slice of the Cheesecake Factory’s carrot cake contains more calories than any of the combo “pick a number” meals at McDonald’s.

A professor leading the study quietly admitted to our reporters that we are probably closer to an understanding of string theory than a conclusive answer to what has been dubbed the “Carrot Cake Conundrum”. The professor has asked to remain anonymous to avoid jeopardizing her standing in the scientific community. “It’s the elephant in the room. No one wants to admit that we may never have an answer.”

The slice of carrot cake, which at 1 lb. weighs a lot more than even the largest of carrots, contains 1,560 calories. That’s well within the range of satisfying most people’s daily caloric intake needs. And it’s over twice the amount of calories in the Factory’s Original Cheesecake (a mere 710 calories).

Further confounding to the researchers is the fact that the cake does not appear to contain much carrot at all. The main ingredients are corn oil, cream cheese, eggs, butter, palm oil, butter, and hydrogenated palm oil. With 84 grams of fat crammed into six inches of sweetness, this dessert truly takes the cake.

The Cheesecake Factory does not reveal calories willingly – you really have to dig. Fortunately, there’s Google. Search “Cheesecake Factory nutrition information” and you’ll find lots of Factory quotes that all boil down to some variation of the following:

“Thank you for your interest in The Cheesecake Factory. Because we change our recipes and menu often, we do not currently have nutrition information for our menu selections.

Sincerely,

Guest Services for The Cheesecake Factory Restaurants, Inc.”

I think the more appropriate quote should be:

“Thank you for your interest in The Cheesecake Factory. Because we change our recipes and menu often, we [insert lie here].”

Here’s the Clickativity.

Technorati Tags: cheesecake, carrot cake, restaurant calorie information, popular menu items, Cheesecake Factory

Posted By: Mark Sisson

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Scientists Perplexed: Issue ‘Impossible Calorie’ Award

Far be it from us to know how this is possible. Even scientists are scratching their heads like lice on mice. This time, it’s good old BK bringing you an impossibly-high-calorie meal. It would be funny, except it’s real. Tell them to knock it off! They’ll listen.

This is the “meatnormous” morning catastrophe BK is calling their Enormous Omelet Sandwich. Weighing in at 730 calories without sauce or sides, you’ll get 6 strips of bacon, two eggs, two slices of “cheese”, a giant refined bun, and a sausage patty the size of an ottoman. Comes complete with 410 calories of fat and enough sodium to keep the Titanic afloat.

Technorati Tags: fast food, breakfast, Enormous Omelet Sandwich, Burger King, high calorie meals, bacon, sausage, egg, carbs

Posted By: Mark Sisson

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