It’s time for another Rotten Apple Award, kids. The Impulsive Buy blog – which puts the “ew” in product review – covers everything from the new mint flavored Tylenol to McDonald’s new cinnamon bites, or bits, or buns, or something. The Rotten Apple is not being bestowed upon Impulsive Buy, however – it’s Mickey D that deserves all the glory on this one.
We try not to pick on McDonald’s too much. After all, there’s the Cheesecake Factory, where you can gain a pound by eating a single slice of cake. And to its credit, McDonald’s does make nutrition and calorie information available, something which the Cheesecake Factory evidently has a lot of trouble doing. But I feel McDonald’s is being blatantly disingenuous when there’s all this talk about premium chicken, premium coffee, and premium salads going on yet surreptitiously the G.A. (that’s Golden Arches) still pushes new sugary, fattening products with more speed and consistency than their employee turnover rate.
Isn’t it rather hypocritical to advertise those happy mommy-n-me commercials featuring salads, apple slices and sweet smiles, or to make a big public announcements about eliminating trans fat from french fries, while simultaneously introducing this 460-calorie dessert of glorified sugar biscuits? I know McDonald’s isn’t trying to position itself as Mecca for health nuts, but they’ve also done heavy (elephantine, really) marketing in the last few years to play up their healthier options and apparent concern for people’s hearts and waistlines.
Now that’s just rotten.
This month’s Rotten Apple Award goes to The Apple Patch Diet, the next gimmicky weight-loss device in a long line of quack products.
All you have to do is slap a patch on your body to start this “diet” and watch the fat melt away. I’m not sure how a patch of any sort counts as a diet. Though I suppose if you subsisted on patches alone you would lose weight. Let us see what the users have to say.
The “Testimonials” are varied and claim a 10 pound weight loss in one month, an 80 pound weight loss since July 2006, and as “Baig” from Virginia states, “my sugar level (Diabetes) is under control and I am very happy.” Rapid weight loss with little to no effort! Quick and easy regulation of sugar levels! Unbelievable testimonials! Before and after pics! It sounds too good to be true! Hmmm… this sounds familiar.
Clearly a product that can do all this has some solid scientific research to back it. Well, yes and no. The ‘Why it works’ section is limited to these three fine answers: “we only use the finest natural ingredients,” we have “amazing weight loss testimonials,” and “we use a transdermal method of delivery.” With a word like transdermal this stuff must work. Right?
To be fair the “Ingredients” section does give more detailed information about the three ingredients used to solve your weight problems. Look closely and you will find that one of the three exotic sounding components, Guarana extract, is essentially plain old caffeine. Caffeine is not exactly a groundbreaking weight-loss supplement, nor is it something with which most people need to supplement their diets. I don’t know about you, but my daily green tea provides all the caffeine I need.
Quite possibly the worst thing about this product is that it gives apples a bad name – something in these parts we take very seriously.
Don’t buy into these gimmicky weight-loss devices Apples. This product is more about the supplement delivery system (transdermal) than it is the supplements themselves. And there is still no substitute for a balanced diet and regular exercise.
We’re watching you, Apple Patch Diet.
(This is the part where I lift up my shirt, ceremoniously denoting the end of this diatribe.)
How neat is that? Thanks, Bloggy Awards! They gave us so many positive comments, we’re all blushing over here! They also offered a helpful piece of constructive criticism: shorten up some of the posts (ahem).
What do you think, Apples? And what would you like to see more of?
You can check out the entire review here. Now please excuse us while we bask in the glow…
Back in 1990, Uncle Sam launched the 5-a-day campaign. I won’t say it’s been a total failure – just a major one (here’s a good analysis). As reported in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine, Brightsurf informs us that only a handful of people eat more than a few servings of fruits and vegetables daily (here are the numbers).
I make a point of living on vegetables drenched in healthy fats, with a little protein added in. My diet isn’t really that complicated: simply, I avoid processed foods like the death nuggets that they are.
What I want to get people thinking about is a dietary paradigm shift. This isn’t about adding an extra side of vegetables or substituting fruit for candy. This is about making produce your primary source of energy, of fuel. Vegetables are more than garnish. No amount of antioxidant accessorizing is going to save your health. Accenting with healthy foods – whether it’s adding vitamins to breakfast pastries, minerals to soda, or a scoop of broccoli to alfredo-drenched pasta – is not the same as being healthy.
That’s the real reason Uncle Sam’s 5-a-day target completely misses the mark and is being put out to pasture. Health is not about a magic number (which, by the way, is far too low – we need 7 or 9 servings of produce daily). It’s not about adding. It’s about a lifestyle. And that means a total change, which, if we’re really honest with ourselves, is the hardest part.
Perhaps it’s the misconception that eating fruits and vegetables takes a lot of work. I’ve got two words for that: freezer case.
Web it out:
Then again, maybe it’s all just a terrible conspiracy.
Worker Bees’ Daily Bites
Mark’s Daily Apple is 100% sugar-free. Are you?
You may recall last week’s little exploration of refreshing beverages overflowing with so many calories, even Bactrian camels would be concerned. Hey, a small, fiber-rich protein shake is one thing. But these sherbet-and-sugar-water pajama parties masquerading as “healthy” fruit smoothies are just the latest health scam.
The fact that smoothie slurping has doubled is a good indicator that people want to be healthy. We dig that. Unfortunately, the typical smoothie is really just a glorified milkshake. Know the difference. And for the love of tempeh, remember to keep an eye on the seedlings! They love those sports drinks and smoothies, but no child needs that much sugar.
Big Pharma likes to see only the most favorable results published? And this is news? All right, that’s it – we feel an award coming on…
Similar exposes have recently targeted the dairy industry (ooh, milk made me lose two whole pounds!), soft drink giants (soda is a good way to get type 2 diabetes, actually) and weight loss scams (hoodia, anyone?).
It’s kind of like the news out today that black soybeans are the new miracle food. Sure, beans can be healthy, but let’s not jump all over black soybean tortillas just yet. Focus on fresh, whole, and unprocessed foods, and you’ll be doing great – really!
Bottom line: always look for information on who funded the study before you buy into the product.
Flu Cliches Bug Us
Feel guilty because you didn’t get a flu shot this year? A super-vaccine is in the works. (This is one of those things that sounds great initially. It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt…)
We tend to support abstemious flu shottage unless you’ve got a weakened, tired or toddler immune system on your hands. If you can avoid yet another drug, you’re probably better off. You’re still stuck with words like abstemious, though.
© 2014 Mark's Daily Apple