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April 01, 2010

9 Overlooked Stipulations in the Health Care Reform Bill

By Mark Sisson
237 Comments

While preexisting conditions and required coverage have taken the main stage on the health care reform bill, many of the smaller changes hold just as much weight in the future of America’s health. These changes and additions have been largely ignored by mainstream media despite several billion dollars allocated to new preventative care initiatives.

Additionally, the bill includes some surprising fine print regulations. Most regulations won’t take effect immediately, but the sum of so many new laws and restrictions could cause major repercussions on our system over the next several years.

Finally, while the bill is certainly heavy on spending, there are several programs included to reduce overall health care costs, but such programs appear highly unorthodox on a first reading. The Worker Bees and I have combed through thousands of pages of minutiae to find nine lesser known stipulations, clauses, regulations, and programs in the new bill.

1. Emergency Lap-Band treatments covered under government-offered insurance plan.

Lap-Band surgery has been credited as a legitimate and necessary procedure in certain situations and will be covered entirely under state and government assisted plans. Because many pundits claim the procedure is unnecessary, the surgery will be reserved for patients who have already exhausted conventional forms of weight loss such as eating low fat foods and running on a treadmill.

2. Insurance documentation course to be added to elementary education.

To prepare youngsters for future medical decision making, all public elementary schools will be required to teach an insurance documentation course to fourth grade students. Children will learn how to read insurance jargon and how to navigate through red tape when denied treatment for the first time. Additionally, students will learn life-practical skills such as how to pressure a PCP into prescribing the most heavily advertised medications, and what to pack into an emergency kit in case of total medical system failure. The insurance course will replace elementary physical education.

3. Indigestible feces content in CAFO beef to be eradicated.

Due to recent public outcry over meat and poultry production standards which permit “acceptable” levels of feces in market meats, a new policy will reduce the allowable feces content in CAFO beef to 0% by the year 2014. While eliminating feces from CAFO-raised products is impossible, a 73 million dollar stipend has been awarded to Monsanto to genetically modify cows to produce nutrient dense, flavor-rich, digestible feces. Incorporating the genetically modified, safe cow waste into meat would completely bypass all feces restrictions. The digestible feces should hit fans by 2012.

4. Statins approved for general consumption, given the go-ahead as a food additive.

Many popular cholesterol-lowering medications have been approved for public mass consumption. Over the next three years, statins will be used as food additives to regulate foods that would otherwise raise cholesterol. Kraft already has plans for a Stat’n Mac’n Cheese. And Pfizer and Baskin-Robbins are currently working together to produce 31 statin-filled flavors of ice cream by 2011.

5. USDA Food Pyramid replaced with Food Trough.

Due to rising complaints about the archaic food groups included in the traditional USDA food pyramid, a new “food trough” has been designed to adequately reflect modern foods and eating habits. Rather than a pecking order of specific food groups, the trough appears as a swill of ingredients, traditional foods blended with chemically reduced corn byproducts. The imagery of the old “pyramid” diagram was confusing, often leading Americans to believe food was something to be climbed rather than something to stick one’s face in. Additionally, the new trough design allows for future food group discoveries and foods that do not easily lump into particular groups such as binding gums, preservatives, and hot pockets.

6. Bacon tax.

Working under the common knowledge that bacon is unhealthy, a twenty seven cent tax will be attached to each strip of bacon sold after May 18, 2010. The bacon tax could net over 14 billion dollars in the first five years, though 80% of that revenue will be set aside to bolster police and security forces for the impending May 19 bacon riots.

7. 42 Million dollars allotted to reduce the growing number of celebrity fad diets.

With over 70 outbreaks of celebrity fad diets in 2009 (up from 63 in 2008), Congress has implemented a series of regulations and initiatives to reduce the number of celebrity fad diets by as much as 40% by the year 2014. A fad diet hotline will be established for celebrities who have suffered from a recent bout of lemonade/cayenne fasting, and all new celebrities will be required to sign an “I will eat more than cabbage soup” pledge. Gwenyth Paltrow alone is being paid 2.3 million dollars to “eat normal” for a period of three years. And Kirstie Alley has been legally restricted from creating any more reality television shows.

8. Easy Cheese abolished.

In what is being hailed as one of the few non-partisan stipulations of the bill, Easy Cheese has been reclassified as a level 5 narcotic and will now only be available by prescription.

9. “No Child Left Behind” replaced with “No Child Left Unmedicated”.

Under the new plan, school nurses will be replaced with a system of self-serve procedures and medications available to elementary students based on classroom achievement. Students will be expected to use the knowledge gained from the earlier mentioned insurance documentation course to fill out all necessary application material for proper self-medication.

Tell everyone what you think about these stipulations in the comment board. Happy April 1st!

TAGS:  Big Pharma, humor

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231 Comments on "9 Overlooked Stipulations in the Health Care Reform Bill"

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Todd
6 years 8 months ago

This post is going to heat up a lot of people. Obama is bankrupting this country. Off to Australia!

Matt
Matt
6 years 8 months ago

Come on man. Please admit you didn’t fall for this.

Fuzzy
Fuzzy
6 years 7 months ago

You had me for a first few…I was really gonna check the price of bacon next month!! Boo hiss!

Fuzzy

Ben
Ben
6 years 8 months ago

Ha! You were April Fooled!

Todd
6 years 8 months ago

Maybe I was…

But, a 27 cent bacon tax would not surprise me… no joke!

Angelina
Angelina
6 years 8 months ago

Who said Australia is any better. Not only is our new government also bankrupting Australia, but they are also currently trying to censor the internet even though 95% of the population is against it!

Bill Meterson
Bill Meterson
6 years 8 months ago

Please stop reading rightwing nut blogs. This health care bill is 100% for the common family.

fireandstone
6 years 8 months ago

“Please stop reading rightwing nut blogs.”

Exactly! Left wing nut blogs are *way* more entertaining.

Jeremy
Jeremy
6 years 8 months ago

And if you believe that, I’ve got a bridge to sell you…

The orignial bill was authored by a former Wellpoint VP. An almost identical plan was proposed by AHIP in 2009 (guess who they represent?).

In other words, it’s a corporatist scheme, through and through.

Francesco
Francesco
6 years 8 months ago

Indeed! It’s very hard for me (a European) to understand whát problem some Americans have with a health insurance system for common people. Jeez!

Bob Massarella
6 years 8 months ago

“It’s very hard for me (a European) to understand…”

That’s why Europe is the home of a bunch of second-rate, has-been, Socialist-style nations that suffer from a serious case of power-envy when it comes to the USA…because you don’t understand. You can’t understand why we don’t embrace your Marx-lite political-economic world view, why we don’t want to be like you and give up more and more of our Liberty and Property to the State.

BTW, is that KoolAid you guys on the Continent are drinking sugar-free? 😉

Lydia
Lydia
6 years 8 months ago

No need to move, Todd. It was an April Fool’s joke.

Jon
Jon
6 years 8 months ago

Australia has single-payer health insurance anyway.

Dave
Dave
6 years 8 months ago

They have private health insurance as well for people who don’t like waiting for procedures or dealing with the public health system.

Bill Meterson
Bill Meterson
6 years 8 months ago

And so will we. Geez.

peter
peter
6 years 8 months ago

Australia has universal health care and private health insurance for people who can afford “better care”. After Obama’s changes the US will have a health care system comparable to Australia’s in 1979.

Matt Williams
6 years 8 months ago

The joys of living in Australia. Public health cover is excellent for anything standard, and then private cover (whice is affordable) is great for physio, dentistry, podiatry and all that fun stuff

Pete H.
6 years 8 months ago

“After Obama’s changes the US will have a health care system comparable to Australia’s in 1979.”

And mandatory.

Dan Hauer
Dan Hauer
6 years 8 months ago

Genius.

Matt
6 years 8 months ago

Ha! Unfortunately, even though I realized it was an April Fool’s joke, I was thinking that some folks in Congress would shift money to promote creation of digestible feces; why not? They spread money around for other cr@p all the time!!

Elizabeth
6 years 8 months ago

LOL I know. “Digestible feces?” Isn’t that another name for what the government is already feeding us? 😛

Peggy
Peggy
6 years 8 months ago

YAY!!! the abolition of Easy Cheeze. I will be participating in the Bacon Riots. Which of course will lead to Bacon Parties and the formation of the Bacon (political) Party…

Lillian
Lillian
6 years 8 months ago

I was getting worked up over this.. Then I realized April Fools!

Then I realized that it’s probably not that far off in the future…

Adam Kayce
6 years 8 months ago

Yep, I was totally hoodwinked until the last sentence in #3 – hoodwinked, and shocked/outraged. That’s when April Fools kicked in for me, too… nice one Mark/Bees!

james
james
6 years 8 months ago

I am still secretly still wishing that Obama is just a mean and cruel April Fools joke…

Dave, RN
Dave, RN
6 years 8 months ago

I’m not being secretive about it.

Bill Meterson
Bill Meterson
6 years 8 months ago

Bush started a couple of wars for no reason, reduced us to torture, continued handing the country over to corporations, bankrupting us, shredded the constitution and our rights, etc. But NOW you’re up in arms. Wow.

JanieJo
JanieJo
6 years 8 months ago

Haha i know, right? “Obama is going to bankrupt this country.” Umm… I think those three trillion dollars we owe China were lost on W’s watch…

Mountain Beaver
Mountain Beaver
6 years 8 months ago

The *nutjobs* are the ones on this blog who actually think there’s a difference between Bush/Obama and Republicrats/Democrans. Wake up people.

Steve
6 years 8 months ago

Not really sure just how much of this is true but it’s fascinating none the less and makes good arguments. I especially like the last part about how the chain of command goes way up beyond who we “see” as being in command, bush could just have been a lowly peon.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-594683847743189197&ei=0aOrS8aRB5Kc-AaD-73HBg&q=zeitgeist#

steven
steven
6 years 8 months ago

i agree with mountain beaver.

kevin
kevin
6 years 8 months ago

haha yeah mt beaver….bush and Clinton are butt buddies for Haiti now…rich people look after other rich people…there are only two parties. Rich and Normal to poor. Obama is just cutting out the middle class and finalizing the mess they started.

joem
joem
6 years 8 months ago

*sigh* the war in afghanistan had a pretty good reason; we didn’t torture, as that word has been understood for the last couple hundred years; the obama annual deficit will be as much as the debt he inherited; the constitution is still there and in full force.

stop polluting mark’s great website w/ bad information. plenty of places for you to vent your anti-bush spleen.

unless your post was an april fool’s post, to which I say – well played sir, well played.

Casey
Casey
6 years 7 months ago

Also agreeing with Mountain Beaver. And seriously, as easy as it is to blame our president for everything, give the Senate and Congress their fair share of it.

Vince
Vince
6 years 4 months ago

Congratulations, you have accurately described every President of the modern era.
Now go buy yourself a cookie.

TK
TK
6 years 4 months ago

cookies aren’t on the Primal Blueprint(tm) diet. you should change that to go buy yourself a coconut macaroon.

pjnoir
pjnoir
6 years 8 months ago

If that Republican ticket was in office- Nobody would have a job right now. Can’t wave a flag and lie to the public and think that will do any good.

Vince
Vince
6 years 4 months ago

Every President lies.
That’s how they convince you to think they are different from anyone else.
If you know anything about politics, you know that both parties are nearly identical.. How else do you think elections are so close? Because America is somehow divided completely in two EXACTLY? No.
On a side note.. Obama has failed to keep unemployment rates down, so I fail to see your point anyways. Actually he has failed on about every front so far.

Timothy
6 years 8 months ago

This new tax will not stand. I regret that I have but one life to give for bacon!

Brett
Brett
6 years 8 months ago

Aye, I must agree. The government shall fall, for the common man shall not be overpowered with his overflowing rage, determination, and bacon-lust.

Kevin
6 years 8 months ago

“Many popular cholesterol-lowering medications have been approved for public mass consumption. Over the next three years, statins will be used as food additives to regulate foods that would otherwise raise cholesterol. Kraft already has plans for a Stat’n Mac’n Cheese. And Pfizer and Baskin-Robbins are currently working together to produce 31 statin-filled flavors of ice cream by 2011.”

April Fools!

But, I wouldn’t be too shocked should such a thing come to pass…

Ann
Ann
6 years 8 months ago

Hey, there are MDs in the UK who want to add statins to the water supply.

Athena
6 years 8 months ago

LOL good one! I would rebel if there was ever a bacon tax!!!

Dave, RN
Dave, RN
6 years 8 months ago

A tax on “fatty foods” has been discussed for quite some time. Don’t be surprised that one day you’ll pay a tax on bacon and 70/30 or even 80/20 hamburger.

gharkness
gharkness
6 years 8 months ago

Ya had me going there for just a couple of minutes 🙂

TXCHLInstructor
6 years 8 months ago

Had me going until I got to #2. Then I skimmed to the bottom, looking for the April Fool disclaimer.

Al Kavadlo
6 years 8 months ago

“The surgery will be reserved for patients who have already exhausted conventional forms of weight loss such as eating low fat foods and running on a treadmill.” Priceless!

Joan
Joan
6 years 8 months ago

This is already how it works in my health plan!

Russell
Russell
6 years 8 months ago

when i read the line about the bacon i was about to start rioting right here in my home office. I kinda doubted though that the government was actually going to try to educate our children that seemed a little out there even for them.

Kimberly Steffen
Kimberly Steffen
6 years 8 months ago

Ah!! You got me! I was getting all worked up over the audacity of such provisions being allowed..when I too realized it was April’s Fool.

frogfarm
frogfarm
6 years 8 months ago

The sad thing is how many people will read these and believe them.

The sadder thing is how many think these are all fantastic ideas that must be implemented as quickly as possible.

Todd
6 years 8 months ago

When you have Barak Obama as your president it is not sad when someone believes it.

Actually it is sad… because it makes you realize that Obama is truly “changing” America…

Jojo
Jojo
6 years 8 months ago

Todd, this was just a funny April fools joke. Let’s just concentrate on health and save our political feelings for other blogs.

Duncan
Duncan
6 years 8 months ago

Amen. One of the great things about MDA is the civility and lack of political “discussion.” There are a multitude of other sites for that. Let’s focus on what we have in common here . . .

Trish
Trish
6 years 8 months ago

Can we stop with the Obama hate for ONE %&^%$#* DAY PLEASE?! Your side lost. Sorry it was to a brown-skinned guy with a funny name. Put on your big boy underpants and deal with it.

And they can tax bacon all they want, I’ll be over here with my sausage. 😉

Tracy
Tracy
6 years 8 months ago

Sure, but how about if we also stop with the “if you don’t like Obama’s policies it’s because he’s not white”?

julietx
julietx
6 years 8 months ago

Quit smearing anyone who disagrees with your politics as a racist.

Other Foot
Other Foot
6 years 7 months ago

Did you ever request to stop the Bush hate, too?

Jon
Jon
6 years 8 months ago

I know this post is a joke, but item #4 (statins) doesn’t even seem that far off. The following article showed up in my RSS reader from Scientific American *yesterday*:

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=static-over-statins

NotSoFast
NotSoFast
6 years 8 months ago

Hilarious! I got to the “food trough” before it hit me. Scarily, the first four weren’t all that unbelievable. And sign me up for the “Bacon Party” right now.

PrimalChat
6 years 8 months ago

Mark – it’s been awhile since you pulled our leg, but this is a good one for sure!

I especially like this one: “73 million dollar stipend has been awarded to Monsanto to genetically modify cows to produce nutrient dense, flavor-rich, digestible feces.”

Canarygirl
Canarygirl
6 years 8 months ago

I think the item in #2, replacing physical ed with the insurance documentation course, was a pretty good clue…

Mike
Mike
6 years 8 months ago

Considering some of the things our gov’t has done, that one didn’t shock me :/

I didn’t realize it was a joke till, the USDA trough.

I have no doubt they would brain-wash replace Phys Ed with indoctrination. I mean look at ‘nutrition’ classes. Where you get to learn that fat is evil and whole wheat is a ‘good source of fiber.”

kennelmom
6 years 8 months ago

I think we’ve pretty much already arrived at #9. Of course, a bacon tax would definitely result in a VFF-clad Grok march on Washington! LOL

Kat
6 years 8 months ago

I’m so glad I live in Canada, no bacon tax here.

gp
gp
6 years 8 months ago

Just every other form of tax imaginable.

Jennifer
Jennifer
6 years 8 months ago

And a strong economy, excellent public health care, and a government that even though Conservative is more open minded than many Democrats. Taxes work when the public actually benefits from them.

Yes, I am Canadian.

Jennifer
Jennifer
6 years 8 months ago

All said with a smile of course! I just re-read that and it ‘sounds’ rather un-neighbourly! I was trying to channel the beer commercial there at the end…somehow it doesn’t translate

🙂

Dan Rivera
6 years 8 months ago

Mark,
Now that you sent my jaw to the floor, how do you plan on picking it up tomorrow?
I DONE GONE DID TOO MUCH EEZY CHEEZE I CANT DO THIS ALONE!

Samantha Moore
Samantha Moore
6 years 8 months ago

I was getting mad at the bacon tax!

lars1000
lars1000
6 years 8 months ago

Bacon tax? Us primals are gonna have to go underground. 😉

Danielht
Danielht
6 years 8 months ago

haha!! I nearly bought it…
I liked the “nutrient dense, flavor-rich, digestible feces” part

David Santana
David Santana
6 years 8 months ago

I would definately need to join the Bacon Riots!

Jonathan Atkins
6 years 8 months ago

I’m a moron, I believe it until Easy Cheese.

Lovestoclimb
6 years 8 months ago

lmao @ bacon tax. That would be every primal follower’s worst nightmare! Pretty sure I’d be bankrupt in a day or two.

Ginger Baker
6 years 8 months ago

I had to read the part on educating 4th graders twice before I was certain LOL. And then only because it was “replace physical education with”!

Though I DO rather wish schools would teach a class on real-life skills – like making a budget, planning a dinner party, understanding the mortgage process, and other basic legal/financial stuff that you come across later, writing a business plan, etc. Just a few that come to mind, there are plenty more that I am ensuring my kids know at age-appropriate levels!

Tovah
Tovah
6 years 8 months ago

I think a “real life skills” course would be a GREAT idea as well! You could combine it with the mandatory typing class. (Are those still necessary? Or do kids just pop out of the womb knowing how to type?)

SharonW
SharonW
6 years 8 months ago

I always look back fondly at my typing class back in 1989. It was the most useful class I took for sure.

As far as kids already knowing how to type when they pop out, I’m not sure about that, but I am convinced they know to text though!

Paul Von Tersch
Paul Von Tersch
6 years 8 months ago

This is one of the current problems in our society. We feel that it is up to someone else (government, daycare, friends) to teach our children the skills they need to succeed. Please people teach your kids what they need to know and don’t leave it up to the school or government.

dawn
dawn
6 years 8 months ago
Indeed, I am one of those “literal” people so I didn’t realize till the food trough part either. I know a lot people are hurting right now, example:GM has cut all of it’s retired blue collars health care… in turn, ruined many people who depend on medications, while no health care is fine for people who are younger and hopefully healthier. The older population is a much worse boat. I hope in the long run this bill will aid all people, but change is rough on a small or big scale. I love the recipes this site offers and wanted… Read more »
ToddBS
ToddBS
6 years 8 months ago

real-life skills

Isn’t that what home-ec used to be? And of course they can’t replace phys-ed with anything. That implies that most schools still have phys-ed.

Nic
Nic
6 years 8 months ago

I was disappointed when I first read this as I was expecting some kind of April Fools post. Once they started talking about fourth graders pressing a primary care physician into getting their way though, I became dubious, and by the bacon tax I was convinced. Such a measure would’ve provoked a serious response.

Tovah
Tovah
6 years 8 months ago

Loved it! I got to the last sentence of #2 before realizing it must be an April Fools joke, because there is no WAY they’ll get rid of phys ed (aka Torture, for some of us back in the day). I was pretty convinced they would ACTUALLY be teaching fourth graders how to fill out insurance forms. And kind of thought it was a good idea. 🙁

ericfoster3
6 years 8 months ago

Oh! I actually got to item #5 before I figured out this nonsense. I feel so dumb right now….

Primalchild
Primalchild
6 years 8 months ago

What does it say about this government that most of these are at least plausible? Nothing good, that’s for sure.

Julie
6 years 8 months ago

I was thinking the same thing!

Allison W.
Allison W.
6 years 8 months ago

Actually it shows how people are so gullible and easily manipulated once their trust has been gained. Think about it. Mark already has your trust. Why else read his blog or buy his books? So when he does something like this, even if its weird ( why did some of you take so long to see it was a hoax?), you doubt your instincts because you don’t think Mark would lie to you.

This is how opinionators make their money. You trust them, you don’t question them, and you wind up believing the craziest stuff.

Jack
Jack
6 years 7 months ago

Allison W… you are correct. The only people who would find this stuff “plausible” are right wing, mouthbreathing, Glenn Beck watching idiots. Seriously, if you read this and thought it was “plausible”, then you really need to re-tool your critical thinking.

Bob Mass
Bob Mass
6 years 7 months ago
If you and your left-leaning associates are so intellectually superior than those who are politically and economically conservative, than why is it you continue to engage in character assassination and name calling? “Mouthbreathing”? “Idiots”? Honestly, is that the best you can muster? Can’t you please provide a rational, logical defense of socialist-style principles? And, no, referring to the current Congress and Administraion as Socialist is not name calling, it is an accurate characterization of where their policies are taking this great nation…taking over the means of production…the auto industry, banking, health care, student loans. What’s next? When individual liberty, property,… Read more »
Marcus
Marcus
6 years 7 months ago

“And that is exactly where we are today…on the road to a Euro-style of Socialism.”

Sounds good to me. Bring it on.

Bob Mass
Bob Mass
6 years 7 months ago

Marcus, Thank you so much for your honesty. Finally a post from someone on the left that is honest about his/her position. Of course, I disagree and think that history will demonstrate the error in your position, but, nonetheless, I do respect your ability to state your position with honesty over hatred. Grok on!

Jack
Jack
6 years 7 months ago
Bob: There is so much internally inconsistent with your post that I have no idea how to respond, much less how to respond with “rational, logical” defenses — that’s my point. You people are so off your rockers that you can’t engage in any meaningful debate. If you either a) read this nonsens Mark posted and thought it was plausible, or b) have read the health care bill, or have a basic understanding of any of the acts taken so far by the Obama administration, and STILL think that this is a “socialist” administration, then you are simply unable to… Read more »
Bob Mass
Bob Mass
6 years 7 months ago
Jack, Meaningful debate? Where’s your argument? You make blanket charges against “YOU PEOPLE”, but, btw, noting concrete about ANYTHING I’ve stated and then end with “go join the militia”. Whoa, I’ve been served. NOT! So, where exactly is your rational, logical argument? And, to your charge of “internally inconsistent”, I’m waiting for your explanation. Where’s the beef, Jack? Let me ask you some questions, Jack – do you have a job? Do you actually pay taxes in a respectable tax bracket? Do you pay for your health insurance? Do you donate money to charities that help those less fortunate than… Read more »
Jack
Jack
6 years 7 months ago

Hi Bob: This year I paid a little over 120K in income taxes. Is that enough? Do I count now? Moron.

Mark: This Bob fellow is a little too indicative of your readership for my liking. I’ll not be reading this website anymore. Good luck with everything.

Angelina
Angelina
6 years 7 months ago

WOW. It’s not Mark’s fault that this page was suddenly flooded with fanatical political comments (left and right). I have not enjoyed reading most of the comments on this page either (left or right), but it is not going to stop me from reading Marks website. I am not so quick to throw everyone into the same crab bucket.

Bob Mass
Bob Mass
6 years 7 months ago

“This year I paid a little over 120K in income taxes….moron”

ROFL!!! Jack claims he paid $120K (sure he did) in taxes and he’s ok with paying more? Who is the “moron”?

P.S. You still have not provided a logical, rational explanation of your position AND you, like your comrades, couldn’t help but resort to name calling. I suppose that is Mark’s fault too?

Tee
Tee
6 years 8 months ago

You had me till the bacon tax. Sad thing is hardly any of our “leaders” read the dang bill so much of this could be in their.

Mike
Mike
6 years 8 months ago

Would you read 2000 pages of government jargon?!

Dave, RN
Dave, RN
6 years 8 months ago

Nobody does. And that’s the plan…

1968Tigers
1968Tigers
6 years 8 months ago

Most of the Congress-critters that voted “yes’ sure didn’t.

Allison W.
Allison W.
6 years 8 months ago

It’s actually approx. 200 pages. Apparently bills are written for people with sight problems. They are like triple spaced with 18 -20 point font size.

Casey
Casey
6 years 7 months ago

Wow, you’re right! They also have ridiculous margins.

Matt
Matt
6 years 7 months ago

I would if that was my job, and I had staffers who could help me.

CJ
CJ
6 years 8 months ago

I was skeptical as soon as I read #2.

batty
6 years 8 months ago

BACON TAX? that’s just NOT FUNNY, man. don’t even joke. SERIOUS BUSINESS.

David
David
6 years 8 months ago

I was thinking this was real at first, just laced with a heavy dose of sarcasm. The scary part is, most of it’s not that far off. Great post Mark.

SLS
SLS
6 years 8 months ago

Goddang people are gullible, how could you possibly read past #2 with a straight face? Sad.

Jonathan
Jonathan
6 years 8 months ago

Unfortunately, the statins “joke” might not be so funny:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/31/business/31statins.html

Michelle
Michelle
6 years 8 months ago

I knew at #2 it was April Fool’s, I fall for it every time!

1968Tigers
1968Tigers
6 years 8 months ago

Todd may have fallen for the April Fools joke, but this in his reply is 100% accurate
“Obama is bankrupting this country”

No April fools there!
—————————————

Funny post.

kuno1chi
kuno1chi
6 years 8 months ago

Brilliant!!!
I was hoping you would do something for April Fool’s Day.
Btw: Google is also “Topeka” for the day
🙂

john_e_turner_ii
john_e_turner_ii
6 years 8 months ago

Good stuff. Glad there is a sense of humor here!

chocolatechip69
chocolatechip69
6 years 8 months ago

It really isn’t too far fetched. I heard they’re working on a tax bill for pizza and fast food already. WAY TO GO!
I also understand that pharmaceutical companies are pushing for recommendations to start giving statins to kids from early age to prevent future “cholesterol problems”. No joke:) Read it in Berry Grove’s Trick or Treat book.

maba
maba
6 years 8 months ago

I’m not surprised. Doctors joke about adding statins to the water supply!

Iulia
Iulia
6 years 8 months ago

There is such a thing as tax on bacon … more or less! Romanian tax on fast-food … first step towards imposing it on every single fatty cut of meat! Fat is BAD! cough

Ron
Ron
6 years 8 months ago

Nice one Mark…….bacon tax!HA!

anzy
anzy
6 years 8 months ago

That was AWESOME!

I have to admit, when I read #1, I was scared for the country. #2 didn’t make much sense to me, but nothing the govt does makes sense, so i still bought it. #3 & 4 scared the bejesus out of me. 5 is where i (FINALLY) realized it was an April Fools joke. It’s sad that I got through 5 of these things still believing that our government would actually do these things.

Macha
Macha
6 years 8 months ago

#1 is already true! You can have your gastric bypass covered under Medicaid as long as your BMI is over 40 and/or you are over 100 lbs overweight. That’s why it took me a while to figure out that this was a joke. 🙂

domoh
domoh
6 years 8 months ago

Great! Had me going there up till Stat n’ Mac 🙂

Noturningback
Noturningback
6 years 8 months ago

LMAO! I thought it odd, but didn’t figure it out until the food trough and bacon tax.

John Sifferman
6 years 8 months ago

Great post, Mark. You had me going until the 4th graders insurance course.

I’m reminded from the many comments and my own reaction that most American’s have no idea what our government is doing and we’ve been accustomed to hearing news that borders on the ridiculous our entire lives. Some of those “fools jokes” aren’t too far off from reality.

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