WARNING: May result in
rapid fat loss, major
health improvements and
extremely impressed relatives!
The Fuming Fuji is outraged at the marketing of toxic food, especially when it’s aimed at the small fry. This week, the Fuming Fuji has decided to have a serious problem with Kellogg’s Eggo frozen waffles.
But, Fuming Fuji, you say, Eggos come in over a dozen varieties, including “Nutri-Grain”. Isn’t a hot, toasty waffle better than those breakfast cereals you’re always fuming about?
The Fuming Fuji says no!
The claim: The U.S. government says we should eat 6 servings of grain every day. Isn’t a morning stack of Eggos a good way to get fiber into tiny tots?
The catch: 3 Eggos are stuffed with 280 calories, 720 milligrams of sodium, and 35 grams of sugar. That is all more than two cans of Coca-Cola, which makes soda feel very sad and puny. Fortunately, these waffles do not outshine Coca-Cola in the fiber department of which you seem so concerned. Each Eggo has only 1/3 of a gram of this fiber you desire. Do not forget the syrup!
Here is an idea, Kellogg’s. Since you already so generously offer many choco-nilla-cinna-butter-berry-jelly flavorings, the Fuji recommends branching out into new textures.
Inventing new artificially flavored, goo-stuffed and sugar-striped waffles must be exhausting. The Fuji understands and suggests an intravenous dietbetes Eggodrip. Bonus: easy on-the-go drip portability! (The Fuji cannot help such brilliance. Suggested slogan: “Comin’ At the Carotid!”)
The comeback: Okay, so they offer chocolate-vanilla striped waffles. And maybe the strawberry-jelly filled waffles are a little over the top. And maybe the blueberries are more blue than berry. And maybe a serving of Eggos is literally worse than two sugary sodas. And maybe the new animal-shaped Eggo mini-pancakes are pretty blatant child manipulation. And maybe there is more fiber in a lug nut. Wait…there was a comeback somewhere in this…
The conclusion: It is amazing how bleached flour, palm kernel oil, sugar and salt can be reconstituted into the fascinating grid shape we call the Eggo – and in so many amazing flavors, too! The Fuji could not hope to understand such a feat of engineering despite possessing off-the-tree genius which was duly noted when the Fuji was but a seedling.
The catchphrase: If “leggo” was not such a stupid word, the Fuji would say that is what you should do to the Eggo.
Disclaimer: Mark Sisson and the Worker Bees do not necessarily endorse the views of the Fuming Fuji.
Technorati Tags: children’s health, Kellogg’s, eggo, frozen waffles, breakfast
Posted By: Worker Bee
Worker Bees’ Daily Bites
Mark’s Daily Apple is 100% sugar-free. Are you?
Smooth Criminal
You may recall last week’s little exploration of refreshing beverages overflowing with so many calories, even Bactrian camels would be concerned. Hey, a small, fiber-rich protein shake is one thing. But these sherbet-and-sugar-water pajama parties masquerading as “healthy” fruit smoothies are just the latest health scam.
The fact that smoothie slurping has doubled is a good indicator that people want to be healthy. We dig that. Unfortunately, the typical smoothie is really just a glorified milkshake. Know the difference. And for the love of tempeh, remember to keep an eye on the seedlings! They love those sports drinks and smoothies, but no child needs that much sugar.
Yo, Moto!
Big Pharma likes to see only the most favorable results published? And this is news? All right, that’s it – we feel an award coming on…
Similar exposes have recently targeted the dairy industry (ooh, milk made me lose two whole pounds!), soft drink giants (soda is a good way to get type 2 diabetes, actually) and weight loss scams (hoodia, anyone?).
It’s kind of like the news out today that black soybeans are the new miracle food. Sure, beans can be healthy, but let’s not jump all over black soybean tortillas just yet. Focus on fresh, whole, and unprocessed foods, and you’ll be doing great – really!
Bottom line: always look for information on who funded the study before you buy into the product.
Flu Cliches Bug Us
Oops.
Feel guilty because you didn’t get a flu shot this year? A super-vaccine is in the works. (This is one of those things that sounds great initially. It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt…)
We tend to support abstemious flu shottage unless you’ve got a weakened, tired or toddler immune system on your hands. If you can avoid yet another drug, you’re probably better off. You’re still stuck with words like abstemious, though.
Posted By: Worker Bee
Kill ‘Em With Kindness
What is it with road rage? I get a big kick out of people who aggressively tailgate (the gals) and cut me off (the guys). Well, I get a kick out of it to the extent that I can while attempting to make it to the store in one piece. And I have to admit, I do get immense personal satisfaction out of not getting too riled up over these nitwits who feel a few inches of steel turns them into invincible tank lords (uh…hi, I can still see through your windows, genius).
Nothing kills ‘em quite like kindness.
And laughing it off – or at least letting it roll off if you can’t quite summon a smile – seems to have a ripple effect on everyone you come across. This is my own personal study, of course, but I believe it works. When I start my morning right – not just when things are going well but especially when things are not – the rest of the day manages to work out a lot better.
Dry cleaner stained your clothes? Bank line taking forever? Waiter messed up your order? Try laughing, smiling and making a joke of it. It’s amazing what happens: the first thing you’ll notice is the incredible relief flooding the other person’s face. They’ll bend over backwards to fix it (and if not, well, you tried). The next time you stop in, you’ll be treated like royalty.
It’s so easy to get frustrated – we’re in a rush, we’re stressed, we need it now! And it’s tempting to vent and make demands, especially with service staff, because frankly, we can get away with it. After all, we have a right to be pissed off. But no one – most importantly, not even you – walks away happy.
It’s not news, but it’s a good reminder every now and again.
Just watch out for the 16-year-old in his mama’s Escalade. Sometimes there’s no helping that one.
Posted By: Mark Sisson
Here’s your challenge:
Develop one really healthy habit this week. It doesn’t take long to form a habit, good or bad. Here are a few suggestions: floss, exercise, drink less alcohol, double your vegetables, eat a daily salad, lift weights, practice gratitude, be generous to someone. Report back, Apples!
(Carlo Winkelmann photo)
Psst…have you signed up for my free weekly health tip? Click “Join” above to receive my weekly email newsletter that includes recipes, deals, contests and great health tips to get your week off to a positive start.
Posted By: Mark Sisson
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